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A faulty production line

10 things the NHS can do to give GPs a less crappy new year

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Apparently, NHS bosses have instructed CCGs, NHS trusts and local authorities to come up with a plan for making general practice more sustainable next year.

Which is good, isn’t it? Because it’s an acknowledgement that, currently, it’s unsustainable. Though I think the word they’re actually looking for is ‘unbearable’.

Anyhow, I’ll save the suits a whole heap of work by providing my own plan, which they’re welcome to plagiarise in its entirety.

1. Pay us. As in, you know, just pay us. Money we’re owed, for work we’ve done. That’s flu money, avoiding unplanned admissions DES money and any other money you’re planning CQRS to shrug its stupid incompetent shoulders over.

2. Pay us some more. For what we do already. But without the psychotic breakdown each month caused by ‘1’ above. And without 8 to 8, 7/7 strings attached.

3. Having paid up, and given us a rise, you can then, on top of that, pay our defence subs. Because working a month, in effect, for nothing, is a bummer.

4. Call off the media hounds.

5. Scrap the CQC.

6. Scrap appraisal and revalidation.

7. Scrap stupid DESs. It’s not like we’re being paid for them, anyway (see point 1).

8. Stop micromanaging us to within an inch of our lives. Stop reorganising everything all the time. And stop dreaming up a new contract/model of care every time you have a dump.

9 Sort out medication shortages. I don’t know what the problem is and I don’t care, just get a grip on it, will you? What’s the frigging point of training for a degree in medicine when there isn’t any?

10. Provide a PALS equivalent for GPs. A phone number, manned by a human being, which will sort out the myriad hospital/GP interface bunches of prescribing/investigating/chasing up/following up/monitoring/please do or see or tell bollocks we face every sodding day.

Then, having sorted out 1-10 above, just f** off and leave us alone.

Alternatively, I’d sacrifice all of the above if you would simply pour a skipful of finest quality pigs**t over Messrs Hunt and Field while I stand there clapping. Ideally, though, how about both?

Dr Tony Copperfield is a GP in Essex. You can follow him on Twitter @DocCopperfield


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Readers' comments (25)

  • Works for me - just pass on to all CCGs?

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  • Vinci Ho

    Professor Stephen Hawking believes in parallel universe . He also said ''If you feel you are in a black hole, don’t give up. There’s a way out.'' and we can reach this alternative universe if gone through the 'black hole'.....

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  • sense as always. I hope the DoH has a crony that reads this. Even half of these would be great but i fear we have the proverbial snowball's chance.

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  • Beautifully illustrated. Right on every item.

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  • One month salary pays for your annual indemnity - much closer to 2 and a bit for me.

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  • 11. Get rid of Hunt.

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  • Well said that man. Particularly like the last bit.

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  • Drachula

    Happy new year Copperfield. Please keep it up - a sane voice in the shambles

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  • Yes,yes,yes,yes, yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes

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  • Russell Thorpe

    I agree with all of that but we also have to do our bit for the good of the profession, our job satisfaction, the NHS and demonstrate our worth, by seeing ill people within a time frame that enables us to stop them ending up in secondary care.
    Accurate timely diagnosis is the key and that means engaged doctors not enthusiastic nurses.

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From: Copperfield

Dr Tony Copperfield is a jobbing GP in Essex with more than a few chips on his shoulder