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Gold, incentives and meh

A brilliant plan for morale reduction

It strikes me that after a long line of edicts from on high with the cumulative effect of battering GPs' morale, perhaps the PCT should just cut to the chase with the following memo about a new LES - Let's (dis) Encourage (job) Satisfaction.

To all GP practices:

Background

This is the most important LES to be issued today. It remains aligned to every other LES, DES and QOF target, in that it requires all staff to increase the quality and number of hoops to be jumped through, while decreasing the size of hoop to be navigated. Also, in line with recent guidelines, this LES must be acted on straight away while ensuring that no other ball be dropped.

Specifics and statistics

We now have very poor data, produced by nobody we know, showing there are too many GPs' staff who stubbornly remain happy in their work. These figures for contentment at work are above the national average and need to be resolved.

Action plan

Practices are asked to ensure that at every opportunity, any member of staff showing high levels of job satisfaction is brought in line with the national average level of dissatisfaction and demoralisation.

Points will be awarded for any previously happy member of staff who can be shown via the relevant template to have increased their reliance on alcohol or cigarettes to help manage the stressors of work. Extra points will be awarded for any member of staff who resigns.

Final notes

If this LES is not acted upon, it will become a mandatory DES, at which point the PCT, in line with the PBC group, will commission a private provider to depress and demoralise staff on your behalf.

Please direct any questions to our helpline number, where the computer-generated speech recognition software will waste as much of your time as you would like.

Helen Greenslade, Practice nurse, Kensington and Chelsea

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