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'A toiletted doctor is a safer doctor': my alternative campaign for GP rest breaks

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I feel bad knocking the RCGP. They mean no harm. But really. First there was the campaign for 15 minute appointments. Then there was the clarion call that it’s never been a better time to be a GP. And now this: ‘A rested GP is a safer GP’ poster campaign thing.

If we’re going to have a poster campaign, let’s go for gritty realism

As with everything else, you kind of know what they’re getting at, but it goes off half-cocked or in the wrong direction. Quite apart from the fact that, bleedin’ obviously, I simply don’t have time for the ‘regular breaks’ the poster implies I take – just like I don’t have the ability to bend space/time to accommodate 15 minute appointments – I’m not sure the punters will exactly lap it up anyway. After all, if they’re reading the poster, they’re waiting in reception, and if they’re waiting in reception, then, thanks to the poster, they’ll be concluding I’m running late not because I’m overworked but because I’m fuelling up on caffeine, Hobnobs and a power-nap.

So if we’re going to have a poster campaign, let’s go for gritty realism instead.

Here’s my suggestion, feel free to photocopy and plaster your waiting room wall with it.

Your GP’s right to defecate should always come first!

dirty toilet 330x330px

dirty toilet 330x330px

Train drivers, pilots and lorry drivers are contractually allowed to have at least one dump a day.

Your doctor has not had time to open his/her bowels for three weeks now. This is Jeremy Hunt’s fault. If your GP shows signs of distress during the consultation, stand well back.

Remember, a toiletted doctor is a safer doctor.

Support our campaign at www.bogoff.com

Mind you, if anyone’s really full of crap, it isn’t us GPs…

Dr Tony Copperfield is a GP in Essex. You can follow him on Twitter @DocCopperfield

 

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Readers' comments (18)

  • Excellent!That reminds me need to address that full feeling and take a weight of my mind before the next patient.

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  • this is laugh out loud funny!

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  • Dear Doctor,
    We have been made aware of your comments and we would like to inform you of NHS Directive SH1/T00 which allows for the funding (subject to proposal, survey and the purchase of industrial quantities of lubricant ) of the insertion of piping direct from GP rectums via large bore piping to toilets. This will allow for GPs to defaecate and yet not leave their desk, thus allowing them to spend more time with their patients.
    This advance follows NHS England's work on offering Colocranial anastomosis provision to the RCGP Council which as you can see, has been enthusiastically taken up.
    Thank you
    Mr Ivor Ploppy
    NHS England

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  • GP health promotion of adequate toileting idea,Medical celebrity picture illustrated toilet paper on each sheet a well know medical celebrity.

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  • Dear Tony, Can you do a poster that will let me have a wee wee too.

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  • Many GPs simply lack imagination-I took a dump in the corner of my consulting room and interestingly the patients only seemed to have one problem to discuss with me that day.This may be a sign of impending dementia because I have become slowly anosmic over the past year or so.

    Theres never been a better time to be a GP after all.

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  • excellent idea above. some steve field toilet paper. I could make a fortune. cant imagine there will be many GPs that wont buy this

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  • As usual, nobody has a clue how to improve things and would leave no chance to mock at others.
    Rightly, as politicians think there isn't any sign of unity among GP and it's easy to trample on them as they are nothing but bulls***t

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  • youre so funny !! and absolutely spot on mate!!!

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  • Oh I am just so tempted to carry on with the lavatorial humor but having to restrain myself....

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From: Copperfield

Dr Tony Copperfield is a jobbing GP in Essex with more than a few chips on his shoulder