Cookie policy notice

By continuing to use this site you agree to our cookies policy below:
Since 26 May 2011, the law now states that cookies on websites can ony be used with your specific consent. Cookies allow us to ensure that you enjoy the best browsing experience.

This site is intended for health professionals only

At the heart of general practice since 1960

A winning formula for the GP consultation

  • Print
  • Comments (5)
  • Rate
  • Save

Cambridge mathematicians working in Oxford have come up with a winning formula for the GP consultation.

’Consultations can be tricky things,' says Prof Candid, 'sometimes they go well and sometimes they go tits up and we wanted to know why, so we drilled down into the data and created a mathematical model that anyone can use.'

The team spent hours analysing speech patterns, posture and facial expressions

The work was originally started by Prof way back in the 70s but was soon abandoned because, in his own words, it was really really hard to do it when you were stoned. But at last they’ve finally cracked it.

The team spent hours analysing speech patterns, posture and facial expressions as well as a host of other environmental factors and then used complex statistical analysis using a super-computer to pool it all together to cook up the 'dream' formula.

'To the untrained eye the final equation is impenetrable,' explains Prof, 'and I know it’s difficult to get your head round it because it’s so counter-intuitive, but think of it this way, if it had a shape it would look a bit like a 4-dimensional donut with an infinitely large hole running through it and if it had a taste it would be a bit like lemon sherbet.'

In the past, Prof Candid has solved several other tricky problems using numbers, like do you get wetter if you run or walk in the rain? What is the ideal temperature for a chocolate pudding? And how many beers do you have to sink before you start to fancy Lady Gaga?

'In response to the accusation that Corporates are sponsoring my work,' says Prof, 'I only have one thing to say, I’m a professional and you don’t have to pay me anything to dream up this kind of bullshit.'

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh

formula1 page 001 edit

Rate this blog  (4.96 average user rating)

Click to rate

  • 1 star out of 5
  • 2 stars out of 5
  • 3 stars out of 5
  • 4 stars out of 5
  • 5 stars out of 5

0 out of 5 stars

Readers' comments (5)

  • Kev - Did Prof also put together the workforce plan? The maths seems familiar.

    Not enough GPs + not enough more = Plenty

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • I think this chap or people like him help Hunt with his statistics.HEE with workforce planning,and NHSE with primary care funding.we're dommed all doomed !

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Sounds VERY much like the methodolgy the MHRA & the FDA used to decide to delicense coproxamol tablets !!!

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • brilliant humour!!!! Love it!!

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Best laugh of the week! thank you so much for writing these blogs!!!

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

Have your say

  • Print
  • Comments (5)
  • Rate
  • Save