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A faulty production line

An exclusive look at the AKT examination 2017

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Pulse has exclusively got hold of the AKT 2017 examination paper. Here is a taster:

You are a female GP do you:

  1. Accept that having children probably isn't practical
  2. Have loads of kids but be discriminated against by your employer and find yourself effectively forced out of the workplace through a combination of their unreasonable demands and your own exhaustion 
  3. Go ahead and have kids, take enough time off so that you can raise them only to find the door of your career slammed arbitrarily shut in your face by an inherently misogynistic profession that refers to you as 'that nice lady doctor'

Revalidation is:

  1. PMSL 
  2. WTF?????
  3. D’oh!!!!!!!

Pseudopseuduohypoparathyroidism is:

  1. A mystery to me 
  2. Great for scrabble 
  3. Is an inherited disorder named for its similarity to pseudohypoparathyroidism where the individual has the phenotypic appearance of... oh whatever!

Australia is:

  1. Plan A 
  2. Plan B 
  3. Plan A and B  

 The GMC is:

  1. An organ of oppression, no better than the Stasi whose sole purpose is to grind you down to a state of apathetic submission  
  2. Based in Manchester somewhere 
  3. Watching you 

 If you are from the EU: 

  1. Kindly take your degree, your skills and your specialisms and f*ck off back to where you came from 
  2. Je parle le franglais - avez vous any beer? 
  3. Rule Britannia  

The following is a test question and will not be included in your final mark.

Only one of the following statements is true:

  1. Mick Jagger only eats yellow food (he eats red foods on special occasions) 
  2. After Michael Jackson’s death a chimpanzee was found strapped into the roller coaster ride at his Neverland ranch
  3. All members of the English rock band Status Quo are deaf 
  4. David Hasselhoff has a false arm 
  5. In the future, giant wasps will take over the earth and humans will become a source of food
  6. Medicine is a cruel mistress, it seduces bright young minds, bleeds them of all their worth and then spits them out, embittered and exhausted, at the other end

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Readers' comments (5)

  • I don't know the answers to these questions

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  • So true - as always

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  • National Hopeless Service

    Alcohol is my answer to everything

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  • Alcohol is a good answer - but only in the form of a bottle of 16 year old Lagavulin wrapped in the exam paper!

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  • Spuds

    Meh. #1 is bulls**t Kevin. Misogynistic profession? My foot. Female dominated. Lots of women have babies and come back to medicine on a basis to suit them.

    Not quite sure what tree you are barking up there.

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