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Dead GPs should be allowed to return to practice

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Dead GPs will be allowed to remain on the performance list under new proposals being discussed by the RCGP and NHS England.

‘We’re exploring the possibility that dead doctors could have their appraisals whilst in the spirit realm,’ said a Royal College spokesman. ‘There’s nothing stopping them gathering the evidence they need and I heard that keeping up to date when you’re omnipresent is relatively straightforward.’

In a bid to remove barriers for dead GPs wanting to return to practice, there will also be back to work schemes designed for the ethereal.

‘We conducted our first pilot study last week,’ says NHS England, ‘the spirit of a long-dead doctor was summoned to the waiting room of an inner city practice. She was outraged at first and started chucking chairs around but when we calmed her down she managed to see all the urgents.’

Colin, one of the patients involved in the study says: ‘I’ve never been so terrified. I was lead into a room to consult the “doctor”.

‘She was just a big blob of ectoplasm and looked like a supernatural blancmange with a stethoscope sticking out the side.

‘She upped my inhalers and asked me to come back next week for a review but I think I’m going to book in with somebody else.’

‘I know there’s a recruitment crisis but please don’t summon me again,’ says the long-dead GP.

‘I like it up here. The weather’s always nice, you get treated with respect and there’s a lot less paper work to do. It’s a bit like Australia.’

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.

Readers' comments (17)

  • Hilarious but unfortunately already being explored as a viable recruitment tactic in my CCG.

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  • 'I like it up here. The weather’s always nice, you get treated with respect and there’s a lot less paper work to do. It’s a bit like Australia.'

    Has to be quote of the week

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  • Would solve HEE worries about cost of training more GPs, and also ensure further income for RCGP, as even after death they will expect annual subs to continue using MRCGP title.

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  • The RCGP would be rubbing their hands together! Think of all those subs

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  • Vinci Ho

    Dead GPs are the same as zombies GPs.
    But then again , we have already turned into zombies !

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  • This is ridiculous!
    Dead GPs should never have stopped working in the first place. Lazy good-for-nothing bunch of layabouts.

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  • Una Coales

    Dead GPs are depriving ghost patients of much needed 7/7 appointments...

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  • excellent
    unfortunately present regime is so utterly insane i believe this..it is certainly the only way to save primary care.
    would like to make the present political/nhse/doh nexus undead.. i am uncertain of their chances of gping to heaven considering the dysfunctional hell on earth they are making as they burrow and gnaw away at the nhs in their deluded madness.

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  • funny as hell! or is that heaven?

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  • When a dead GP makes a mistake does the GMC 'stake them off.' Fill my surgery with dead locums I'm off to the Winchester to have a pint.

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