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CAMHS won't see you now

Don't cut pay, do this...

Dr David Church, Machynlleth, Powys, Wales

Re: 'How do I ask staff to take

a pay cut?' (Letters, 1 March),

I believe Dr Starritt has completely the wrong approach here, if local health board policy is anything to go by (a big 'if').

By comparison with larger NHS organisations, I suggest that he and other GPs who may lose out in the proposed global sum review follow this plan.

• Double his own salary/ drawings, add a performance bonus (criteria unimportant so long as he ensures he awards himself it using the excuse

that the shortfall was due to circumstances outside his control).

• Give an acquaintance a large tax-free cash backhander, put down to expenses of course, purportedly for providing a service (it doesn't really matter what service).

• Get the acquaintance to give him large tax-free sums.

• Give the staff a performance-related pay rise, but make sure the least efficient ones get the most – to encourage them

to do better next time, of course.

• Take out a large loan, telling the bank there is a short-term cash-flow problem, but full repayment is guaranteed very soon. However, repayments will be made using a new system, and when the bank queries the non-arrival of the monthly repayment, blame the new system.

• Sell all the practice assets, especially those that are essential to the practice, telling buyers such items are in such short supply and high demand that their resale value is very much greater than his asking price, but make sure he actually overprices everything by at least 100 per cent.

• Tell a neighbouring practice how much money he now takes home per month in the first month of this new plan, and tell them that he can get the same sort of funds for them if they will just sign up to take on all the responsibility for all his patients, so that he can devote his spare time to achieving their financial dreams so much faster of course. In return, promise to pay them a ridiculously high figure by post every month by personal cheque. If after a couple of months they notice they have not yet received any of the cheques or promised salary increase, just tell them it was put in the post and to seek redress from the postman, but due to a miscalculation the amounts written on the cheques were too high. Demand they pay him some back immediately, in cash.

• Perhaps he should also consider booking a one-way plane ticket to a country with no extradition agreements,

but first ensure he gives a

press conference or issues a press release explaining what a wonderful person he is and how he has done so very much to greatly benefit the health of the patients and at the same time improve the income

and working conditions of

the staff and the other

practice by changing their working systems. Be sure

to omit the words 'for the worse'.

I think this should work. It certainly gives the appearance of being the approved best practice within the NHS at the moment.

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