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GPs to be squeezed out and replaced by people who have no idea what they’re talking about

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GPs are to be slowly squeezed out and replaced by over-zealous arseholes who have no idea what they’re talking about.

‘The only skill a GP has is to know exactly what to do when you’re ill,’ says an unimpressed health secretary. ‘And it costs so much to train them these days, so we thought we should just replace them with someone who owns a box set of Holby City and once did a first aid course.’

Margaret, whose voice was described as ‘irritating’ by her husband says: ‘I was the first aid responder when I worked for the council.

‘I saved a colleague’s life by bandaging his ankle after he fell on top of me in the stock cupboard and I also accidentally defibrillated Cheryl from accounts after she had that funny turn. As far as I’m concerned I’m amply qualified.’

She then added: ‘Just as I became a qualified doctor by watching Holby City (first and second series) I also became a qualified astrophysicist by watching Brian Cox on Channel 4. I’m great, me.’

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.

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Readers' comments (10)

  • While I don't believe tha PAs are the answer to primary care problems, I do not think we should be abusing them any more than we should be abused by orthopedist. They have different, but considerable, training and deserve respect for what they do.
    No, they are not doctors just as we are not orthopaedic surgeons.
    Incidentally I found the blog about GPs escaping the country hilarious. The difference for me is that this article insults a group of people and the other did not. In fact the other implied that the lot of GPs was so terrible that it compared with the economic migrants in Calais. Not true, but showing that their plight was bad and therefore effectively sympathising with them.
    This article is just rude and offensive.

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  • Anonymous | 02 July 2015 6:53am -

    what are you wittering on about?

    as usual k-hole - funny and insightful

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  • I agree that in-group humour should not be the vehicle to denigrate or insult, in any way. IMHO Pulse needs to be very careful just now, as this is the second item today which could so easily be misconstrued (or even construed)

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  • OMG what's gone wrong with the world?
    Seems everyone is desperately looking to find reasons to be offended these days...for the love of a reasonable and tolerant life stop being so uptight ...it's called humor. Trying laughing occasionally ...it beats righteous indignation every time . The world could do with a little more humor like this and less 'offence taking'
    Thank you

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  • McCarthyism is increasingly becoming the norm!

    Brilliant and funny.

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  • Both this and the previous article about GP's fleeing the NHS are hilarious. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to get a life and take that long hard stick out of their orifices.

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  • yeah I think Brits have always taken the Michael out of ourselves and others and I think most people can see the funny side and if not perhaps they should have some resilience training. They'll need it to work in the NHS anyway apparently.

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  • I laughed out loud at this one. Great tongue in cheek humour and shouldn't be taken any other way.

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  • Made me laugh. But then I am semi hysterical most days now!
    Laugh or cry for the next 1 year 3 months and 27 days......

    Reading what my colleagues are also griping on about makes me realise that I am not the only one who is going nuts in the imploding nhs

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  • Overzealous#####- Already been done to politicians, NHS managers and the entire media.
    Growing glorious rasta locks would make me a tennis god on Wimbledon centre court- pulling your pants out of your crack like Nadal is sooo lame.
    The overzealous should wear their pants on their heads

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