Granny's chain reaction
She came in at the end, and her tale was worth the earlier annoyance. She'd been out shopping in her three-wheeled electric scooter, and was returning home. An impatient sort, she figured she could take a short cut through a residential block. This was protected from vehicular traffic by a serious of bollards and chains. She paused and looked at me mischievously. I could see where this might be going.
She had the good idea that if she judged it right, she could whizz up to the chain, scoop it over her head and carry on without deviating or slowing down. All it would take was a little timing and co-ordination. Unfortunately she'd left both at home.
She bore down on the chain at full speed. Her hand grasped the links firmly, her mighty arm lifting their weight high above her head. The scooter thundered onwards. At this point reality hit. The chain fell from her hand and stretched across her chest, stopping her dead in her tracks. The momentum of the scooter carried it forward and up in an arc. The scooter finished wheels up, and she ended up flat on her back.
A well meaning passer-by was so impressed with the brief aerial display that she called 999. The paramedics were refused by the patient, who was forced to agree to a GP consultation despite all her protestations to the effect that she was okay and didn't want any further fuss. However, it is common knowledge that everyone over retirement age has absolutely no right to refuse medical treatment that any other person feels they should have. Under this often used piece of supposed common law she was bundled off for a consultation with me.
She took it in good humour. And me? I laughed like a drain right along with her. Of course I did the medical bit, but we parted having decided that her future lay in being a Hollywood stunt granny, on account of it paying better than the old age pension.