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At the heart of general practice since 1960

‘Here, you are all equally worthless’

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In a House of Commons select committee hearing, GMC executives recommended that future medical students be trained by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, the senior drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket.

In order to toughen up students for that inevitable GMC referral, the sergeant recommends tying them to bunk beds and hitting them with bars of soap, forcing them to march with their trousers around their ankles and collective punishment if they’re caught concealing doughnuts.

‘I’ve been asked to turn raw recruits into hardened marines ready for combat,’ Sergeant Hartman told us.

‘Doctors are lame. They lack resilience and cry like babies when they’re referred to the GMC.

‘Only this morning I broke one of them down by telling her that she didn’t deserve to be in my beloved Corps.

‘I threatened to rip off her head and sh*t down the hole.’

One student who’s already been through Sergeant Hartman’s programme, said: ‘I feel ready for the Tet offensive, Sir, and I’m prepared for anything that the Viet Cong can throw at me.

But he added that he felt he was still not yet ready to face an Interim Orders Panel.

He then sat in the corner and started whispering to his assault rifle.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.

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Readers' comments (9)

  • Genius!

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  • V.funny, I needed the laugh!

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  • Dear Kevin,
    You have a fantastic gift for dark humour which also has powerful messages.
    I laughed out loud and nearly cried at the end as the basis of this is so very sad.
    Keep the gift up!

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  • Una Coales

    Brilliant!

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  • Wish they had sound on Pulse for younger GPs. I can hear "Forbidden Colours" playing in my head as I read.

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  • Hard core Marine Corps - should be the new slogan for the medical profession - I agree funny but profound

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  • " What is your major malfunction Dr Pile ? " I am in primary care ( AKA A world of shit ).

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  • I wonder what the assault rifle's advice would be........
    These are dark,dark, days indeed for the future of general practice.
    The very fact that we are able to laugh at this dark humour shows our resilience .........
    It's the same grit that got us through those days of
    1 in 2 or (luxury) 1 in 3 rotas.

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  • why BMA GMC RCGP not reading these wonderful articles. i think they want GPs and especially IMG GPs to go to Canada Australia New Zealand

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