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'I am immortal' screams Jeremy Hunt

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After learning that he was to stay on as health secretary, Jeremy Hunt vaulted the railings outside number 10, shimmied up the drainpipe, scrambled onto the rooftop and screamed 'I am an immortal God' at the sky. He was then asked to get down.

'I’m thrilled that I’ve been given one more chance to kill off those lazy junior doctors', said a very sweaty Jeremy Hunt, 'and at least now I don’t have to retire and spend my time opening hate mail and punching puppies.'

Jeremy is also reportedly feeling buoyed by the fact that Theresa May clearly dislikes him so much that she’s handed him a great big poisoned chalice and commanded him to drink until he pukes through his nose.

 

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Readers' comments (6)

  • He's back! Through the k hole i mean, not Jeremy Hunt

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  • From an inside source : Jeremy begged to be released from this test - he felt he couldn't take it anymore . Terry May told him to man up and "you've made your bed now lie on it ". Now he comes out of Number 10 with a big shit eating grin and pretends he's got what he wanted . Ms May was heard to mutter -" Useless jumped up jonk !"

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  • Possible that Mrs May could not see that inane grin on Jeremy's face longer than a nanosecond, needed to tell him that he is sacked, and let him be.

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  • Vinci Ho

    Interesting time ahead indeed.
    One school of thought suggested perhaps no b*****d wanted to do this job and then of course, I support the theory that Auntie May has got more 'important' issue(s) to deal with right now.
    I am not sure whether 'nobody' as such wanted the job but rather the uncertainty surrounding this job is , in fact , even more than the relationship between UK and EU right after Brexit. Some people have got this thinking(not quite wishful) that SW was a good replacement of Agent Hunt. Without knowing exactly how SW thought , one can only suspect she might have a change of mind , a bit like switching from Brexit to Bremain shortly before the referendum with presumption that the latter had just enough momentum to win at last minute. Well, the rest is history. My reservation or in fact , anxiety , is at this extraordinary interim time,SW would cause even deeper division amongst our profession as she would likely to at least give people an impression of 'restoring peace', and will be intelligent to expose some fundamental differences amongst different factions in our profession. A new kid on the job always has an urge to show off enthusiasm and abilities but the uncertainty is practically obstructive as the PM and Chancellor have their hearts somewhere else.
    Auntie May wasted no time to have direct dialogue with Daenerys Targaryen in the north because the former needed to buy more time to change the circumstantial setting sooner than anything while the latter was , as predicted , would push forward with another referendum for independence. Public opinions( yes, populism again!) are the active ingredient of the final product.
    As far as NHS is concerned , decisions on (1)how the EU medical staff can stay as part of the overall immigration issue , (2)EU work directive and (3)how much more the government is willing to spend on health ; are on hold until Auntie and her new cabinet sort out the 'deals' outside the country.
    As I said before , the world is technically in virtual Third World War , right wing nationalism and terrorism arise threatening democracy . Non-democratic countries(so called BRICS) ironically , are enjoying spell of wealth and prosperity . To me , everything is inter-linked and every Butterfly effect counts. The level of unrest towards 'the system' is at boiling point that some extremists would revert to violence : murder of our young Labour MP, Dallas' police killing , coup attempt to overthrow elected government of Turkey. And one would even wonder how much the French government could have done differently to prevent this ill-fate of waves of terrorist attacks .The governments of old and established democratic countries had been complacent and simply need to ask themselves why their own people had been so 'angry'(certainly a strong feeling I could even feel in a short holiday trip in US). Auntie May(and whoever is going to survive the ongoing and devastating Labour Party civil war), this is your testing question.
    If her statement to Daenerys of 'willing to listen to all options' is a strategy of diplomacy , Agent Hunt's virtual violence of imposing the junior doctor's contract would become contradictory and in fact , politically stupid . Surely , our stance will not change as we have known the longest serving Agent Hunt so well. But perhaps patience is the word.......
    Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the 'supreme moment').

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  • Vinci Ho

    Watching Mission Impossible :Rogue Nation again now
    'Whether Hunt lives or dies , it is entirely up to him' said by Alec Baldwin

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  • Yes he is going to be immortal in the memories of generations to come. It's a pity he has mistaken notoriety for fame!

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