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Ice-cream man spends successful day as GP

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An ice-cream man spent the day consulting patients, it has been revealed. A practice in Croydon was forced to bring in the first person they could find after their only full-time partner went off on the sick and the locum they’d booked didn’t show.   

’It started out as a normal enough day’, says Colin, ’I’d cleaned the nozzle on the Mr Whippy machine, counted out the sprinkles and dusted down the ’Stop me and buy one!’ sign when all of a sudden I was grabbed by the practice manager and bundled into a consulting room. I was told I’d do because I was wearing a white coat and I looked a bit worried. I’m not sure if that was a compliment or not.’

Colin went on to explain: ’My first patient was upset because her boyfriend called her fat. I prescribed single scoops rather than her usual double. Then I saw someone depressed so I helpfully suggested multi-coloured sprinkles, a good squirt of raspberry syrup and a nice walk through the park. The next lady said she felt something bulging out of her vagina, so I recommended that she see the nice lady doctor. And then I offered her an ice cream.’

’All in all,’ says Colin, ’it was quite a good day and to my surprise the practice invited me back!’

So the Government’s right, if you’ve run out of options and you’re desperate enough, anyone will do, even an ice-cream man. So forget ICE, think ice-cream.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh

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Readers' comments (10)

  •  Dr Kon Conrad

    Say 99

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  • Where did he stick his flake?

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  • what exactly is the 'Mr Whippy' machine in this context? have you been put up to this article by a Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport?

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  • "Mr Whippy" refers to the usual MP pastime, which occasionally needs a visit to a primary care practitioner.

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  • This has got to be one of your best ones yet Kevin. I am crying with laughter!

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  • Spot on! love it

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  • funny....except I'm not sure the locum fee would make up for his potential lost profits :)

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  • At least no one needed a 'cone' biopsy!
    Did you prescribe 'honeycombe' ice cream for nits?
    Was the champagne addict prescribed a Magnum ?
    Was 'tutti fruitti' good for lack of libido patients?
    Was pink ice cream helpful for a strawberry neavus?
    Did the podiatrist ask him to issue a 'cornetto' ?
    And of course too much ice cream can make the skin 'wafer' thin.


    But the main difference between us and the ice cream seller is that he Isn't free at the point of delivery - but he still somehow manages to have a queue of customers.
    Oh hang on - that's what Jeremy H wanted all along!

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  • Tried this with our window cleaner and it was a disaster.

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  • Pretty much my approach. Now I know what I'll do when I jack it in, gonna get me an ice cream van.

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