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'Keep the f*** away from my Sundays,' says God

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In an exclusive interview, God explains why he’s more than a little annoyed with Jeremy Hunt’s plan to turn Sunday into yet another working day.

’Doesn’t that douchebag understand anything?’ boomed an angry Almighty, ’Sundays should be about reconnecting with your family, cleaning out your sock drawer and watching Songs of Praise. It shouldn’t be about seeing your GP at 8 in the evening with a tickly cough that hasn’t changed for the past 16 years.’

’If Jeremy wants to take some advice from the infinite Almighty I suggest he keep the f*ck away from my Sundays. Otherwise I’ll blast him to bits with a single thunderbolt or I’ll stone him in accordance with ancient scripture. And I know how unpopular both of those options would be.’

We then asked God what he thought about the general state of the planet and how humans are running things, only to be told by a mean looking Cherub in sunglasses that this was an inappropriate question. 

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh

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Readers' comments (14)

  • Gov.uk website us clear on Sunday working. A person can’t be made to work on Sundays unless they and their employer agree and put it in writing (eg change the contract). Now let's all agree......

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  • Cobblers

    And God says "Otherwise I’ll blast him to bits with a single thunderbolt or I’ll stone him in accordance with ancient scripture. And I know how unpopular both of those options would be."

    Probably not Hunt's preferred options but must admit I'd vote for them. I'd watch too with my bottle of Dandelion and Burdock and a Pop Corn packet bigger than my head.

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  • Can't we make it thousands and thousands of thunderbolts of ever increasing voltage Lord?
    AMEN.

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  • I do find the title of this offensive, as a Christian, and would ask the editor respectfully to edit it to remove the obvious alluded-to expletive.
    Thank you

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  • We do try to ensure as free expression as we can on Pulse. Although we understand your concern, let's hope the Almighty would appreciate that this is only a piece of satire and the language used is there to express extreme annoyance (rather than to make any comment on him/her or any other higher power).

  • Muslims want our Fridays
    definitely the noon prayer time

    Jewish want their Saturday
    Has to be all day off

    Christians want their Sunday

    lets have a 8 day week
    with three days off

    Even JH will then feel that he has got one of the three days as work

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  • Agree with 04:54 comment
    People talking on God's behalf
    is why there are so many religions
    and so much confusion

    Actually looking after the poor and ill has to be pleasing to God
    and JH could really use this to support his argument

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  • Agree with 4.54 - whilst I agree with the sentiments of the original post it is disrespectful and should be edited.

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  • je suis Charlie

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  • Who is this "God" anyway???

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