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Independents' Day

Medieval advice for doctors discovered at the GMC

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The Magna Carta was written exactly 800 years ago and the world-changing text was recently discovered in the downstairs bog of the GMC headquarters.

‘It was a typical Monday morning for me,’ says the discoverer.

‘I was passing a firm satisfying stool and leafing through the tolerant pages of the Daily Mail when it came time to wipe and I thought, mmm this feels nice. It was then I realised I was wiping my arse on some kind of ancient parchment.’

Written on vellum the Carta was rescued, washed down and interpreted.

Passages include advice for doctors, such as: ‘Fir any ye doctors and for those who practice physik who are falsely accuse’d of negligence with clyster-pipe or whimsical potion, then thou shalt have vegetables thrown at thee and a revocation of thy license without trial, for ye are a product of the Devil’s very own ballsack.’

The GMC were happy to announce that despite recent criticism they’d had the right approach all along and would be using King John’s ‘ballsack’ quote on all letter-headed paper in the future.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen

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Readers' comments (30)

  • amusing as this is, i am in the middle of one of these processes and feel scared out of my wits. i am so lonely. nobody is there to help. Counselling is useless and is not addressing the root cause of the problem that the process is simply unfair. i cant believe that everyone has let the GMC get away with all of the stuff that has happened. i feel so scared at the moment. Maybe the world is better of without me

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  • Very important piece and the humour underscores the severity and harshness of the process

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  • However if you are an unregulated NHS Director, the "implementation" of the FPPR process, seems to be much more comfortable....

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  • Cobblers

    Pulse are you able to contact Anon at 9:58am? They may need some help.

    GMC don't care. Foxtrot Oscar would be their motto.

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  • Thanks for your comment - we have contacted the person who posted the comment.

    Pulse team

  • Agree, paul

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  • What's a few docs to them, they dont care

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  • Dear PULSE editorial team

    Please offer to help 9.58.

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  • Nhsfatcat

    Anonymous | 29 June 2015 9:58am

    If you are following the thread please call your GP to have a talk along lines of support, they will know what you are going through and be able to help.
    If you are in my area come and talk to me.
    If in London contact Practitioner Help Programme.


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  • Anonymous 9:58am, what you feel is completely normal for a rational human being.
    The GMC system is inhumane and not worth your fear.
    Relax, ride it out, stay connected to family and friends.
    Some of us are working hard to get the GMC abolished.

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  • I see that the GMC have today told doctors that they must apologise face to face to any patients to whom they have caused problems. Will the same rules apply to any MANAGERS who have caused problems?

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