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My plea to NHS England - stop torturing us with illusions of help

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I realise I have visited this subject before, but I don’t care - because the paragraph I am about to highlight a) Deserves highlighting and b) Makes me want to punch someone in the face. It’s an extract from NHS England’s invitation to N.E. Staffordshire practices to get involved with the programme of ‘Ten high impact actions’ designed to free up GP time.

Just sod off and stop torturing us with illusions of help

This is what it says:  ‘This is an excellent opportunity for all practices to benefit from a specially tailored programme designed to support and enable them to make changes, which will improve efficiency, release time and aid future sustainability’. Let me just arrange this word-salad into its key parts: ‘Opportunity/benefit/support/enable/improve/future’. So any tangible outcome is about six steps removed from what’s originally on offer. Which leaves you wondering what the frigging frig this is all about and why you should bother to read any further.

If you do, you’ll discover that those ‘high impact’ ideas include group consultations, matching capacity and demand, personal resilience, touch-typing/speed reading, practice based navigators and, get this, ‘leadership of change, process improvement and rapid cycle management’.

Look chaps, if you really are blind to the irony of pretending to save 10% of GP time by forcing us to wade through this jargon-riddled, patronising, sloganeering, mindless and meaningless bullshit, then I shall enjoy the irony of poking your eyes out.

This is now the norm with NHS communications purporting to help/support general practice. So I have a plea to whoever actually drafts them. If you have real, solid, constructive ideas to convey, then please articulate them, simply and clearly. And if you don’t, then just sod off and stop torturing us with illusions of help. In the interim, the only high impact you’ve induced is the one involving my frontal bones and my desk.

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Readers' comments (12)

  • Once again, tears of laughter streaming down my face.......thank you, thank you, thank you!

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  • Dear All,
    Isnt it funny how how anyone and everyone who is being tortured by their emplyer gets immediate protection under teh abuse banner, but GPs are expected to be more "resilient".
    At least there is one consolation, when these young managers end up needing their GP they'll soon realise what they've lost.
    Regards
    Paul C

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  • Recent attempts to improve things in our area:
    - PCSE - Hell no.
    - Pathology service redeign - Currently can't get any lab results, and the online request system keeps dropping out.
    - Community Services tender - took the urgent ultrasound from 18hrs to 6 weeks, and still stuff lost since the go live.

    If you want to help us, LEAVE IT ALONE.

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  • agree
    NHSE is an evidence and mandate free zone of utterly vacuous meaningless laughable naïve inexperienced management babblespeak

    they are useless parasites and most need sacking especially the architect of the disastrous failure of the internal market simple simon which has tripled admin costs and worsened fragmentation with little or no benefit..currently wasting 10 or even more billion yearly so this deluded loon has wasted probably 100 billion or more on his utterly disastrous completely delusional ideological *ullshit over the years
    the incompetence and multiple failures of NHSE are so extreme it needs revolutionary reform.

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  • Mindless idiot in our CCG... Walking into huge NHSE jobs.. No surprise the results

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  • I agree with all the above comments.
    It is sad that so many doctors feel the need to comment anonymously.
    The perceived Big Brother power of NHSE is such that many now live in fear of what these non-clinically trained, wet behind the ears, jargon saturated, stuffed suits can do to us.

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  • And I believe Robert Varnam has been given £30million from the GPFV money to roll this out nationwide?
    I am fed up of NHSE telling us we just need to do it better and more efficiently, and ignoring the fact we are horribly underfunded and have been for years.

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  • There really isn't any new money to give to surgeries, and we have had an uplift this year.

    Maybe its time to get to work with supporting our patients at this hard time.

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  • "word salad" - haven't come across that expression since my day perusing "UCH Notes on Psychiatry" 😎

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  • I've been a GP for 34 years and call it paranoia but there's someone in an office out there somewhere dreaming up policies just to make our lives s**t

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From: Copperfield

Dr Tony Copperfield is a jobbing GP in Essex with more than a few chips on his shoulder