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Nicola Sturgeon to round up street urchins for a career in medicine

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First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has pledged to round up street urchins and press-gang them into medicine because there aren’t enough middle class people in Scotland stupid enough to enter the profession.

The move is part of a package to boost workforce numbers and hopes to exploit people who would otherwise spend years of their soulless lives asking you if you’re collecting kids’ vouchers.

‘The future wasn’t looking so great,’ says Steve, ‘after speaking to my careers advisor it looked like I had two options, either dress up as a Nando’s chicken with a placard strung around my neck, which is the modern day equivalent of a medieval pillory, or sell crack.’

‘Then Nicola’s fun-bus came along and before I knew it they’d Tasered me and bungled me through the back door of the medical school.’

It’s hoped that within a few years people like Steve will make great doctors who won’t complain about working insane hours in an NHS hospital for very little pay because it’s better than working insane hours for very little pay in JD sports. 

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh

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Readers' comments (8)

  • Brilliant!

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  • This is clearly a noble act by wee Nicola to save the poor dears from becoming cannon fodder for the armed forces.

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  • Sneaking suspicion that I'd rather be there than here over the next few years!!

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  • Coming from a non middle class background hasnt made me a better or worse GP than my peers. We all hate the job equally!

    Now that i have become middleclass i have managed to persuade my 2 bright kids to avoid medicine and plan to leave my partnership in my early 50s to locum or work abroad.

    So Scottish Goverment which ever way you look at it the crisis north (and south) of the border is going to implode whoever you manage to persuage to do a medical degree in this country.

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  • I agree with the above comment, it doesnt matter who you con into doing the job, the job is now so awful, in GP land or in hospital medicine that they only way out is through the door

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  • Actually now it could be said that starting medicine could lower your class level. Many do not admit to being doctors. I certainly only use my other titles/degrees or people may take me for a pillock who enjoys self flagilation for no dosh.

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  • GMC. CQC, Litigation.
    One small [ even perceived ] mistake can end a career. Happened to a dear friend of mine. Could happen to me tomorrow.
    All those years and years of work, 80 hour duties with 2 hours sleep. Gone in 60 seconds.
    Nobody can be perfect every single day.
    A doctor has to be.
    Never recommend this career to anyone. never mind the pay. I feel the fear after seeing my dear friend gone.

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  • Being a doctor is worth it only if U can abolish back-stabbing, gossip-mongering & malicious trip-ups'

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