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Obligatory stupidity

Of course there was the obligatory stupid one: a mum calling because her 16-year-old son had a three-minute nosebleed the previous day. He'd been picking it.

However, because of a local news programme about mobile phone masts the day before, she wanted me to prove or disprove that his use of a mobile phone wasn't a contributing factor (and before you ask, he was not picking his nose with the mobile: I asked).

I had two people who didn't like their jobs. One had already put her resignation in, but needed an urgent sicknote to cover her notice period. She feared an atmosphere at work as she worked her notice, so sought to avoid the uncomfortable stares from colleagues her choice to resign might provoke. The second just felt that her job was too hard, and not very enjoyable. I think she wanted an urgent note for a better one.

There was urgent guidance on marriage and parenting skills that would not have waited three days without risk to life. The woman, married

25 years, felt her husband was pompous

and didn't appreciate her. And he was mean to their underachieving son in his 20s.

It seems only she saw the lad's qualities, missed by academic institutions and numerous employers alike.

I was happy to give her a supply of Betterlife tablets, the only NICE-approved method of turning a life of regret and wasted opportunities into one of bliss and fulfilment.

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