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PM’s Sunday GP opening plans should be ditched, suggests official evaluation


Some interesting article from NHS ..... Imperial transformation programme – lines to take for press officers Recent reports have suggested that the Emperor has been seen in public in a state of undress. Nothing could be further from the truth. This advisory, from the Department of Garb, explains how to answer questions from the media about the Emperor’s new clothes. Apparel and reality “He’s not wearing anything, is he?” Line to take: On the advice of new imperial tailor Morforlez and Qipp of Saville Row, the Emperor commissioned a set of splendid robes fashioned from an innovative material which may appear very slightly translucent in a certain light or when viewed from a particular angle. The garments are fashioned from purest Nu-Thing ®, selected for its minimal environmental footprint, flame-retardant and dirt-repellent qualities, and durability. As a result, the Emperor’s new clothes are expected to last for as long as the Emperor himself. Commitment to transparency “Why did he need a new outfit? What was wrong with the clothes he had already?” Line to take: As befits a man in his position, the Emperor has to change outfit from time to time to impress fellow heads of state and to avoid embarrassing underspends in the imperial wardrobe budget, which may not be carried from one year to the next. None of his existing outfits were fit for purpose and several had been produced by a previous tailoring administration which has since been discredited. Furthermore the Emperor is responding to the changing needs of the population, which gets bored easily and demands a constant supply of novelty and spectacle from its leaders. Unprecedented return on vestments “What did all this cost? How can the expense be justified in an era of public service cuts?” Line to take: The government has not disclosed the full cost of the new clothes, which are subject to a complicated formula devised by the Counting House. However, thanks to significant efficiencies elsewhere in the royal household, including a reduction in unnecessary alms, a review of soup kitchens and changes to the system of tithe credits, proposals for the new outfits were fully funded. The Emperor is acutely aware of the suffering of many of his subjects during this difficult economic period. He has personally visited several surfs to discuss the issues raised by plague, the failure of the harvest and the ever-present threat of foreign invasion. The need to keep his subjects spirits up is precisely why the Emperor ordered the imperial wardrobe budget to be ring-fenced forever. The Emperor has taken a similarly robust line on defence spending, which is why he has doubled the guard on the palace. Nothing will come of nothing on “Why don’t you just admit that the Emperor is stark-naked and be done with it?” Line to take: A leading panel of expert courtiers, handpicked for their cowering and obsequiousness, have confirmed that the Emperor is fully dressed and more splendid than ever. Their findings have been verified by a number of independent bodies who hope to continue receiving the Emperor’s full support and know an uncovered backside when they see one. We’re all frocked “How will ordinary people benefit from this extravagance?” Line to take: Innovations at court ultimately benefit everyone. The Emperor’s advisers are considering how versions of the royal garments could be distributed throughout the realm in due course, with a phased rollout timed to coincide with special anniversaries. If the Emperor has his way, we’ll all be in our birthday suits in time for next winter. Fashion editor: Julian Patterson Comment on the blog @jtweeterson

Posted date

30 Oct 2015

Posted time