Cookie policy notice

By continuing to use this site you agree to our cookies policy below:
Since 26 May 2011, the law now states that cookies on websites can ony be used with your specific consent. Cookies allow us to ensure that you enjoy the best browsing experience.

This site is intended for health professionals only

At the heart of general practice since 1960

Statins, statins everywhere

  • Print
  • Comments (9)
  • Save

Patients are to be started on statins even if they’ve got less than a zero percent chance of developing cardiovascular disease, it’s been announced.

Speaking from a podium at an International Lard Conference, Professor Candid reacted to the news: ‘Cholesterol is evil, evil I tell you. It does more damage to your heart than Harold Shipman with a syringe full of potassium and it buggers up your arteries more than fascism ever did’.

‘In my last paper I concluded that cholesterol is the yellow Furher and if you sit down next to it on the bus, punch it in the neck and run like the wind before it gets a chance to kill you. And no I’m not saying this because I’ve hot heaps of shares in statins.’

Five year old Emma from Croydon says: ‘Mrs Wood taught us that cholesterol or 2,15-dimethyl-14-(1,5 dimethylhexyl)tetracycloheptacos-7-en-5-ol is vital for cell membrane synthesis and plays a critical  role in the production of vitamin D and other steroid hormones. So surely we should be cautious about trying to reduce its level to almost nothing in the long term. We also learnt that statins have a horrendous numbers needed to treat of something like 1200, which is even worse than a state education. Mrs Wood then got really annoyed and told us that big companies like to ignore the facts because you can prove anything with facts can’t you!’

‘We now live in a Statocracy,’ claims one industry expert, ‘and thank goodness for that, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to drink a smooth blend of lamb fat and pork scratchings every morning for breakfast.’ 

Big Pharma, who owns a big ranch and an even bigger cowboy hat, made a noise which sounded like ‘yeeee haaaaa’ on hearing the news.

‘This is brilliant news,’ he enthused. ‘We’ve now got plans to add statins to breast milk, get the little buggers whilst they’re still young. Now if you excuse me I’ve got to drive off into the sunset in my gold plated Cadillac as I have a date with destiny.’ Then he added another ‘yeeee haaaa’ for good measure.

 

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.


Readers' comments (9)

  • Highly refreshing to hear a GP demonstrate concern for NICE'S statin-induced cholesterol reduction plan. It smacks of another disease prevention initiative that might at a future date be ridiculed for causing so much unnecessary damage - in the face of facts that were already available. Wake up NICE - about looking more specifically at the current cholesterol science, such as issues with oxidised VLDL...

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Great Blog Keith

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Oh dear not to nice, rather pretty 'horrid' NICE has obviously not heard about the good fat bad fat thingy!

    Good job plenty of us have!

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • My brother a long term statin user, recently had vascular problems. Blood test showed he had almost no vitamin D.

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Very few of us on statins get warned of the side affects by our GP's. Reading the leaflet can fill you with horror. It is impossible for patients to know what is the best course of action. Also we still suffer from dictatorial approaches. Patients are customers - the NHS is a service paid for by our taxes - let's see more of a partnership approach. I

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Is this a bad dream? or has April the first come early?

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Nice to see a questioning approach to the 'statins for all' mentality. Is Dr Kevin a disciple of prophets Malcolm Kendrick, Uffe Ravnskov, Justin Smith, Robert Kowalski, Anthony Colpo and Duane Gravline? I hope so, because I would believe them any day

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • This post has been moderated

  • When will someone come up with evidence that stains reduce heart disease in women so far in 20 years and numerous papers no exidence .Why Q risk it gives utterly bizzare levels of risk in southern England because it relies on car ownership and living in rented accomodation .ie a measure driven by politics not evidence

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Great blog! Nice to see the humour hasnt been drained out of medicine yet!

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

Have your say

  • Print
  • Comments (9)
  • Save