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Independents' Day

Super practice approaches critical mass

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‘It’s getting critical’ claims expert.

Gravity expert Professor Candid has warned that if anyone else joins Our Health Partnership then the practice, which is based in the West Midlands and already has over 375,000 patients on its books, will reach critical mass and not even light itself will be able to escape.

Professor Candid warns: ‘The super practice in Birmingham already has 180 partners and is set to expand. My equations show that if just one more practice joins then the whole of Dudley and part of Smethwick will shrink down to a point of infinite density.’

If Prof is right then time will bend in on itself, matter will stretch out into strands of spaghetti and every last patient will be sucked inexorably through the event horizon into the practice. 

‘The thought of being forever imprisoned in the West Midlands is what most Londoners dread,’ says Prof, ‘and the fellas at Our Health Partnership could make this a terrifying reality.’

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Readers' comments (2)

  • Vinci Ho

    The genius E=mc2 as well as conservation of energy.
    Yes ,if at rest , increase the mass(m) will increase the energy (E) by default(as one may wish).
    However,if you have to move forward(do something positive)with a speed , energy is to be converted and released, your mass actually has to reduce ironically.
    Furthermore , the faster and faster you move , the mass(m) shrinks even more and more . In addition , if you measure your speed(hence momentum) , you lost your idea where you are(position) . If you know where you are, you lose sight of your speed . Heisenberg's principle of uncertainty.

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  • AlanAlmond

    Once HS2 is completed there'll effectively be a wom hole to suck in smug museli eating bicycle peddling softies from Hoxton and other London, soon to be West Midlands, provences ...marvellous!

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