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CAMHS won't see you now

Surgeons now have to listen to patients as well

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Surgeons have traditionally chopped bits off and put them in the bin but now they’re expected to listen to patients as well.

‘We were concerned that our members weren’t having an open dialogue with patients’ says a spokesman for the Royal College of Surgeons, ’so we released new guidance for all our members to ignore.’

Professor Candid, an old-school surgeon who once removed his own appendix with a rusty knife, during a black out on a trawler in a storm says: 'What twaddle. I’m a surgeon, not a GP! What do I need to know about the doctor-patient relationship? I know exactly what the doctor-patient relationship is - I’m the doctor and the other fella is the patient. And don’t go talking to me about ICE. I know exactly what ICE is. It’s what that nice young lady over there is going to put in my G and T.'

Then, after a hefty gulp of gin and a puff on his heroic cigar he added, somewhat wistfully: 'You know, to be a great surgeon like me you need three qualities. You need the heart of a lady, the hands of lion and the eyes of a... oh hang on, I’ve got that wrong.'

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Readers' comments (6)

  • Very funny!

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  • Brilliant!

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  • This is actually beyond ridiculous. The duty to gain informed consent or inform of other treatment options is now blown out of any reasonable limits. In our DGH patients with bowel cancer go to these surgical consent clinics, where amongst other things consultants will discuss effects of other treatments such as aromatherapy or herbal therapies. Think of resources waisted at the time of crisis. I am not in favour of the old ways, when doctors were thought of as ones who knew best. But I would happily agree that many people including myself will never comprehend what they are really consenting to before major surgery. I know one smart man who in the end of this travesty of a consultation felt that he had to plea his surgeon to please stop talking garbage and tell me that you are going to remove the diseased part of the intestine and you will do your best to maximise my chances of surviving this.

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  • That will be the day. If All medical profession lisend to their patients there will be less action takes against them.

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  • They need to be given the time to listen. With current work loads the will not be possible.

    Yet again the medical profession is set up to fail. Better to plan your retirement or emigration rather than sacrifice your health to this double bind situation.

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  • More litigation equals more nonsense.
    If NHS 111 sent you a birthday card, it would say:
    It is not your 1st birthday
    It is not your 2nd birthday
    It is not your 3rd birthday
    It is not your 4th birthday
    It is not your 5th birthday

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