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Ten ways to display your CQC results

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So failure to display the results of your outstanding/good/ requires improvement/inadequate CQC inspection will now result in a fine of up to £500. I know this because I’ve just read the, uh, ‘intentionally….non-prescriptive’ regulations published in the DoH document, ‘Display of Performance Assessment’. That’s non-prescriptive guidance about presenting and positioning a single piece of paper which runs to 17 pages.

As a service to Pulse readers, I would like to suggest 10 ways you might want to fulfil this requirement.

1 Use irony/reverse pyschology. Put up a poster which states: ‘We realise we’re a shi**y practice run by shi**y doctors who do nothing but talk sh** and prescribe sh** drugs, so it should come as no surprise that the CQC has graded us as “inadequate”, which is their way of saying we are “complete and utter sh**”.’

2 Change the font size: ‘Result of CQC inspection: inadequate’.

3 Then, when the inspectors say the font size is too small, make it too big to fit on the wall:

‘Result of CQC inspection: ina-’

4 Bear in mind that, as per the guidance, the result must be accessible to individuals with disabilities. So, to accommodate those with impaired vision, put it up in Braille.

5 Use invisible ink.

6 Redefine that room round the back that nobody uses as ‘reception’ or a ‘waiting room’ (put a receptionist in it, or make a patient wait in it, for a few minutes per day to satisfy CQC requirements) and pin the results up there.

7 Print in bold, ‘Please do not deface this poster’ on the display.

8 Write it in Greek.

9 Swamp the ‘Result of CQC inspection: inadequate’ poster by covering the wall with hundreds of other posters of exactly the same size, font, format and colour and put on each, ‘Result of IDCQC: absolutely sodding brilliant’. If anyone asks, the IDCQC is the ‘I Don’t Care Quality Commission’. But don’t worry, they won’t.

10 Do the math. Average practice is four partners, £500 fine is £125, which is tax deductible, so, per partner, that’s virtually nothing. Man up, stuff the CQC, take the hit and put up a poster saying ‘The CQC are a bunch of cock’. I don’t mean that in a prescriptive way, mind.

Dr Tony Copperfield is a GP in Essex. You can follow him on Twitter @DocCopperfield

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Readers' comments (9)

  • As usual, tears of laughter streaming down my face! (No mean feat as I have only just arrived home from work after a 12.5 hour day!)
    I might try all of these and see which is most effective..........watch this space.
    And thank you for brightening my day.

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  • epic

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  • All gud, but the "use invisible ink" would discriminate against those who have no disability...!
    :(

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  • What has happened to General Practice - there used to be something to do with patients- now I am drowning in acronyms, getting lost in LES,DES,Local LES,RES,CQC,Friends and Family. Dear God, please get out if you can anyway at all. Tell everyone - DO NOT become a GP.

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  • On a more serious note, unless regulations prescribe that the rating must be published in a 'prescribed format' - and the indications are that they won't be - your analysis of and reply to your rating could be included in the notice - bury the bad news!

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  • Sara Harvey

    Fab. We might add that as patients are in the waiting room to read the ratings and therefore not dead, we are probably doing our job OK.

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  • Bob Hodges

    I'm going to get mine tattooed on my forehead!!

    There's just enough space next to the one saying 'eat less, move more'.

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  • Some would say that you should just wear it loud and proud like a badge of honour...a damning report from the CQC is a little like being told by Ronnie Biggs that you're dishonest.

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  • We failed our CQC because we kept the Lloyd George notes on shelves in the office . Yes you read that correctly !. The inspectors said it was a fire /flood/ theft risk . They actually suggested someone might jump over the desk and try to run off with a set . They had been there for 30 years and had never got wet , burnt or stolen before .

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From: Copperfield

Dr Tony Copperfield is a jobbing GP in Essex with more than a few chips on his shoulder