Posted by: Through The K Hole
6 May 2015This QOF year, why not take us up on our great new offer and order a fully equipped doctors’ bag at a fraction of the cost?
This great deal includes:
1 x Tuscany leather doctors bag (burgundy or black)
1 x Littmann stethoscope Navy Blue (MRSA-positive)
1 x 2002 edition of the BNF (good condition)
1 x 10kg of NICE/SIGN guidance (unread)
1 x half eaten sandwich (prawn or tuna) + 1 tablet Gaviscon
25 x drug-sponsored pens (one working) and matching erectile dysfunction snowglobe
1 x proctoscope (to be inserted only if annoyed)
3 ½ tongue depressors (unwrapped, possibly used)
1 x mystery rubber glove
Detritus (hair-based)
1 x attack alarm, spit mask, pepper spray, dog chain (for home visits)
1 x resignation letter (pre-signed)
1 x suicide note and envelope (addressed to loved one, just in case)
As you can see, this generous package includes everything the modern doctor could possibly need.
If you place your order today, we’ll also throw in a fully functioning Pulse oximeter. And when was the last time you saw one of them?
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.
Readers' comments (11)
Anonymous06 May 2015 12:12pm
Class Kev, but I will try and resist your wonderful offer as I've just been handed 3 of theses in the last 6 months!........
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Anonymous06 May 2015 12:34pm
Brilliant! as ever, thanks for that
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Semiretired 06 May 2015 1:30pm
i like it
thanks
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Anonymous06 May 2015 2:09pm
Nice. You forgot the feedback forms/loo roll substitute.
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Anonymous06 May 2015 2:46pm
v.v.funny!!!!!!!!! blog of the week I reckon
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Anonymous06 May 2015 2:54pm
You forgot the vaseline for the annual contract shafting.
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Anonymous06 May 2015 4:39pm
missing items -
4 x CQC-compliant tigerstripe refuse sacks together with laminated "which bag do i use?" easy reference card.
1 x copy of the 1934 "Hurrah for the Blackshirts" edition of the Daily Mail with which to beat your most blinkered of patient during their weekly row about statins.
1 x index card covered in useful phone numbers from days gone by. Like the District Nurse, a friendly paediatrician, the eye clinic, all of whom used to give good advice when needed. Now one number left - 999.
1 x car park pass for the local hospital (expired).
1 x unopened tick remover acquired during registrar training " because you never know" Not much use in central Leeds.
1 x Pap smear, glass slide and black lead pencil for instructional use in medical student teaching. Or the Antiques Roadshow.
2 x hefty stones for throwing at the upstairs windows to wake the slumbering patient who requested a home visit for a dental abscess and absolutely couldn't make it to surgery despite the gleaming BMW on the drive.
5 x PR Voltarol. For back pain. And revenge, where necessary.
1 x idiots guide to the ECG. No, me neither.
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Anonymous06 May 2015 8:41pm
How about a full set of boiler engineers tools for servicing central heating systems?
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Anonymous06 May 2015 11:32pm
A copy of the daily mail for company?
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Anonymous07 May 2015 12:55pm
I have a rectal thermometer for for those who request home visits for "fever so bad that they cant get out of bed" (and not taken paracetamol).
Also PR mandatory for back pain home visits- WITHOUT LUBRICANT ( I done carry lubricants!) to rule out cauda equina syndrome.
Our surgery home visits have dropped tremendously with these since I joined, also helped by the fact some OOH doctors laugh when some of our patients request home visit OOH eg for nits in head!!!
The best one was an elderly gentleman who could "not see anything" and didn't want to call ambulance. His bulb was fused and changing it (by myself on home visit) helped!
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