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The essential doctor’s bag for 2015

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This QOF year, why not take us up on our great new offer and order a fully equipped doctors’ bag at a fraction of the cost?

This great deal includes:

1 x Tuscany leather doctors bag (burgundy or black)

1 x Littmann stethoscope Navy Blue (MRSA-positive)

1 x 2002 edition of the BNF (good condition)

1 x 10kg of NICE/SIGN guidance (unread)

1 x half eaten sandwich (prawn or tuna) + 1 tablet Gaviscon

25 x drug-sponsored pens (one working) and matching erectile dysfunction snowglobe

1 x proctoscope (to be inserted only if annoyed)

3 ½ tongue depressors (unwrapped, possibly used)

1 x mystery rubber glove

Detritus (hair-based)

1 x attack alarm, spit mask, pepper spray, dog chain (for home visits)

1 x resignation letter (pre-signed)

1 x suicide note and envelope (addressed to loved one, just in case)

 

As you can see, this generous package includes everything the modern doctor could possibly need.

If you place your order today, we’ll also throw in a fully functioning Pulse oximeter. And when was the last time you saw one of them?

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.

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