Cookie policy notice

By continuing to use this site you agree to our cookies policy below:
Since 26 May 2011, the law now states that cookies on websites can ony be used with your specific consent. Cookies allow us to ensure that you enjoy the best browsing experience.

This site is intended for health professionals only

At the heart of general practice since 1960

The most advanced, fully automated electronic triage device in the city

  • Print
  • Comments (4)
  • Rate
  • Save

He sat down in the quiet light of the booth and was welcomed by a soft female voice.

“Thank you for choosing Medicare. Please speak clearly into the mouthpiece. What is your name?”

“Alan”

“Thank you Alan. Your are speaking to Medicare. I am the most advanced, fully automated electronic triage device in the city”

He shifted uncomfortably, synthetic voices always made him nervous.

Behind the door the machine could be heard saying, in a soft female voice: “I’m sorry Alan. But I can’t do that”

What is the problem Alan?”

“Err.. well I’ve got like this mad pain in my chest and every time I breathe or take a deep breath I..”

“I’m sorry Alan. Did you say mad?”

“Yes”

“Can I direct you to the on-line psychiatrist? A psychiatrist is someone who deals with mental health issues and may be more suitable for your requirements and personality”

“No! Not that kind of mad!”

“Can you clarify which kind of mad Alan?”

“A mad pain, like a bad pain”

“Thank you. Please proceed and remember to speak slowly and clearly into the mouthpiece”

“Like I said, I’ve got these ma….I mean bad pains in my chest and every time I breathe I feel dizzy and…”

“Chest pain algorithm initiated. Please wait whilst this is downloaded….Thank you for your patience. How old are you Alan?”

“42”

“How much to the nearest kilogram do you weigh?”

“I don’t know I’m about 12 stones I think”

“I’m sorry Alan but your answer must be in kilograms. I will ask again you again, how much to the nearest kilogram do you weigh?”

“I don’t know err…..160, 180 kilos?”

“That is a significant increase since you were last weighed Alan”

“Ok”

“Do you smoke?”

“No”

“How much exercise do you take Alan?”

“I like to keep fit”

“I’m sorry to hear that you keep taking fits Alan. Due to this new diagnostic information I am now going to up open up the epilepsy and seizure algorithm. Please be patient whilst I download”

“No! Don’t! I mean I like to keep fit, I like to exercise!”

“Thank you for the clarification. Please describe your chest pain Alan”

“It’s a sharp pain, which comes and goes right in the middle of my chest..”

“Emergency central chest pain algorithm activated. The door to the booth has now been locked. Do not be alarmed, this is for your own personal safety. Above your head you will find an oxygen mask, pull this sharply toward you and cover your mouth. In a few moments you will be given an injection of morphine deep into the muscle of your right thigh. Try to remain as calm as you can”

“What? Let me out? Is this a joke, let me out!”

Behind the door the machine could be heard saying, in a soft female voice: “I’m sorry Alan. But I can’t do that”

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh

 

Rate this blog  (4.82 average user rating)

Click to rate

  • 1 star out of 5
  • 2 stars out of 5
  • 3 stars out of 5
  • 4 stars out of 5
  • 5 stars out of 5

0 out of 5 stars

Readers' comments (4)

  • Yeap, thats the very near future.

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Absoulutely spot on! This is the future of health care folks!

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • HAL rides again!

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Good article. I hope Jezza hasn't read this though, he may think it's a great idea.

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

Have your say

  • Print
  • Comments (4)
  • Rate
  • Save