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Those condom-phobic middle classes

The stalwarts of Middle England are prone to blame the underclass for the epidemic of sexually transmitted infections but Copperfield says they're in for a nasty shock

The stalwarts of Middle England are prone to blame the underclass for the epidemic of sexually transmitted infections but Copperfield says they're in for a nasty shock

After decades beating on about promiscuous teenagers and pregnant schoolgirls and blaming the underclass for the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases that is defiling England's green and pleasant land, Daily Express readers have to face up to an uncomfortable truth. It's not the Chavs, it's you.

Yes, you with the Honda Jazz, the beige fitted carpets and the kitchen calendar with a picture of puppies in a basket. What's more there's no Princess Diana angle to the story.

Readers of Mrs Copperfield's preferred tabloid will be astonished to learn that the escalation in the prevalence of STIs is mainly the fault of the condom-phobic middle-aged middle classes who view their risk of picking up something from their bit on the side as virtually zero.

Picture the scene in GUM clinics across the home counties. ‘Surely I couldn't have caught anything from Rupert, he's the tartan-trousered stalwart of the local golf club and Rotary!'

I can't really blame them. They grew up in a more innocent time where girls in mini-skirts were actually wearing knickers and the worst that could happen after a night on the town was an intra-muscular injection of a mega-unit of procaine penicillin. Happy days.

All through their monogamous marriages, Express readers regarded unprotected sex as a death wish voiced-over by John Hurt. But just as they're finalising their divorces along comes Viagra. A lifetime's repressed sexuality is ready to be unleashed. Game on!

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