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Understanding seasonal affective disorder

Jobhunter is fully aware how perilous looking for a new job can be ­ you'll be glad to have protection

Here at Jobhunter's Insurance plc we recognise that jobhunting is a risky activity. We have devised an insurance policy tailormade to cover those perils and adversities you may encounter as you go about the business of finding a job.

Our emergency hotline is available 24 hours a day to play you a selection of music before losing you in a labyrinth of menu choices.

If you need to make a claim, just give us a call. You will be diverted to our automatic voice analysis system that will recognise immediately if you are telling porkies and re-route you to our friendly anti-fraud squad prosecution line.

Our insurance policy is the most comprehensive in Europe and covers you for the following risks.

·Damage to stethoscope

· Loss of plastic ear pieces ­ £10 (you are responsible for the first £100 of any claim)

· Injury due to putting stethoscope in ears without plastic ear pieces ­ nil (you shouldn't be so stupid)

· Perforation of bell end ­ cost of full replacement plus any urologists' fees

·Damage to pride

· First rejection letter ­ £20

· Subsequent rejection letters ­ nil (the first cut is the deepest)

·Being mistaken for the Secretary of State for Health ­ £10,000

· Inability to pursue job due to riot or political disturbance ­ £200 (excludes any change in political policy which makes the job redundant before you get to the interview)

· Subsidence of shoes ­ £37.50 pending surveyor's report (structural alteration and river erosion excluded)

· Damage to patella hammer due to falling giraffe ­

£50 (excludes Tanzania)

· Theft of Gladstone bag ­ £200 (excludes Liverpool)

· Theft of cash while on call ­ £10 (if you carry more you're asking for it)

· Damage to credit card while trying to break into deaf old patient's home ­ £10 (next time call the police, that's what you pay your council tax for)

· Loss of a limb ­ £15,000 (singlehanded doctors only)

· Head injury due to mugging ­ £5,000 (excludes Peckham)

· Head injury due to low-flying senior partner ­ £50

· Third staff party fire and theft ­ £20,000 (you have our admiration; if you can survive two staff parties and go on to a third we reckon you've earned 20 grand).

Additional benefits

The above represents our basic cover. For an additional small premium you can also be covered for:

· Valuable items ­ please ask for quotes for platinum proctoscopes, diamond-encrusted peak flow meters, and mink catheter bags.

· New for old replacement ­ if a retired GP goes missing on the way to a locum session, the next of kin will be recompensed to the full value of a newly qualified doctor.

Take out a policy in the next four weeks and we will

send you ­ free ­ a handy stun gun to fit in your pocket or purse.

Dr Laurence Knott is a GP in Enfield

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