Understanding seasonal affective disorder
Jobhunter is fully aware how perilous looking for a new job can be you'll be glad to have protection
Here at Jobhunter's Insurance plc we recognise that jobhunting is a risky activity. We have devised an insurance policy tailormade to cover those perils and adversities you may encounter as you go about the business of finding a job.
Our emergency hotline is available 24 hours a day to play you a selection of music before losing you in a labyrinth of menu choices.
If you need to make a claim, just give us a call. You will be diverted to our automatic voice analysis system that will recognise immediately if you are telling porkies and re-route you to our friendly anti-fraud squad prosecution line.
Our insurance policy is the most comprehensive in Europe and covers you for the following risks.
·Damage to stethoscope
· Loss of plastic ear pieces £10 (you are responsible for the first £100 of any claim)
· Injury due to putting stethoscope in ears without plastic ear pieces nil (you shouldn't be so stupid)
· Perforation of bell end cost of full replacement plus any urologists' fees
·Damage to pride
· First rejection letter £20
· Subsequent rejection letters nil (the first cut is the deepest)
·Being mistaken for the Secretary of State for Health £10,000
· Inability to pursue job due to riot or political disturbance £200 (excludes any change in political policy which makes the job redundant before you get to the interview)
· Subsidence of shoes £37.50 pending surveyor's report (structural alteration and river erosion excluded)
· Damage to patella hammer due to falling giraffe
£50 (excludes Tanzania)
· Theft of Gladstone bag £200 (excludes Liverpool)
· Theft of cash while on call £10 (if you carry more you're asking for it)
· Damage to credit card while trying to break into deaf old patient's home £10 (next time call the police, that's what you pay your council tax for)
· Loss of a limb £15,000 (singlehanded doctors only)
· Head injury due to mugging £5,000 (excludes Peckham)
· Head injury due to low-flying senior partner £50
· Third staff party fire and theft £20,000 (you have our admiration; if you can survive two staff parties and go on to a third we reckon you've earned 20 grand).
The above represents our basic cover. For an additional small premium you can also be covered for:
· Valuable items please ask for quotes for platinum proctoscopes, diamond-encrusted peak flow meters, and mink catheter bags.
· New for old replacement if a retired GP goes missing on the way to a locum session, the next of kin will be recompensed to the full value of a newly qualified doctor.
Take out a policy in the next four weeks and we will
send you free a handy stun gun to fit in your pocket or purse.
Dr Laurence Knott is a GP in Enfield