Posted by: Through The K Hole16 June 2016
Dear Mr Jeremys Hunt,
Thank you very kindly for your letter dated the 0th of June. Let me begin by apologising in advance for any unforced errors that I may make in my letter. English is not my first language, the language that I am principally tonguing is Ukrainian.
Imagine my surprise then Mr Jeremys when I came back home, latched my house handle, de-furred in the hall way and was about to enter my wife in the living room when she handed me a letter from the British Government. A letter offering me to work for the Health Service Nationalists. Immediately I call my friend Dr Loboshevsky who also receive the same letter. Loboshevsky was strong breathing on the telephone, I thought it was a time sex thing but then I remembered he has a leaky heart valve. He told me to destroy the letter immediately. He told me that he has visited the UK and that you are a good country, that you have footballs, fish fridays and fisty fights but that the NH-essings are over-worked and over-stressed. He also say that you are so full of shit Mr Jeremys that if you were given an enema you could be buried in a match box.
I told Mr Lobeshevsky to go and clean his mouth out with soap and have a rest. Here in Ukraine I admit we have much problems. We have tanks and we have Putin and we have many many corruptions. But do not think we are desperatings Mr Jeremys, no one in their right minds would ever come and work for you in the NHS.
Thank you again for your offer however, the bear egg is often better left unhatched, as we say in the Ukraine.
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh