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Independents' Day

Open Surgery: Differential diagnosis

An alternative take on general practice, by Fran

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Readers' comments (2)

  • Doctor:"Tapped on the nose with a spoon? Why don't you snort your cocaine using a rolled up banknote like normal people?"

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  • Patients are trained at the same place politicians are for giving evasive or ambiguous answers. Points are gained for using terms like 'not really', which can be taken to mean yes or no according to the circumstances, 'a while' which is meaningless, and by referring to any person or event in the patient's life which you can't possibly be expected to know except by doctor's telepathy. Points are lost for answering any question such as 'when?' or 'how long for?' with an accepted unit of time, or by agreeing that 'ache', 'discomfort', and 'pain' are all different grades of the same thing according to your viewpoint, and not separate entitities. So if I ask: 'how long have you had this pain, and when did it start?' and the reply is 'well, it's not really a pain, more of an ache, and I've had it ages, ever since my auntie died' I know that I am dealing with a highly trained patient.

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