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The waiting game

Help! I have no idea how to be a health secretary

Through the K Hole

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Dear Agony,

Please help. I’ve landed a great new job but I don’t have a clue how to do it!

When Theresa said she was making a few changes at work I thought she was going to rearrange the furniture not make me health secretary!

I know next to nothing about health! I mean I once had my tonsils out and my mum swears blind I had the mumps but apart from that I’m lost. I do know lots about apps though.

Yours Cluelessly,



Dear Matt,

Just chillax. Lots of people do jobs they know nothing about. Why do you think you never get anywhere when you phone up customer service? And why do you think you’re always met with a blank stare when you ask someone at Currys to help you buy a toaster? Being health secretary is no different.

If you start to feel panicked breathe into a paper bag, if you still feel panicked just remember that it’s because of you that we can now find somebody’s address by typing in their postcode. How awesome is that!

Hope that helps.



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Readers' comments (5)

  • Better off if a piece of the furniture was in charge. At least there'd be no completely unecessary half baked up and f@@ked up ideological changes for a while.

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  • Gave me the laugh I needed! Thanks!

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  • Column cheers me up no end.

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  • I agree with Angus, though might nominate 'a piece of a piece' of furniture, such as a table leg, which is agreeably supportive of its dependents and doesn't confuse its role.

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  • Rogue1

    Don't worry, the guy who had the job before you didn't have a clue either!

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