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Matt Hancock ‘really a 16-year-old sci-fi fan’

Through the K Hole

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Health secretary Matt Hancock is actually a 16-year-old uber-geek who spends his time playing Fortnite and hiding under a star-wars quilt while secretly reading his Dad’s collection of Philip K Dick, it has been alleged.

The accusations came to light after Mr Hancock suggested that GPs should have access to a patients’ genome so that they can…errrr…so that they can….ermmm..…oh hang on….

‘The future is brilliant,’ says Matt. ‘When I say the future I don’t mean the boring future of next Tuesday, and I don’t mean the boring future of 2019, what I mean to say is the exciting future that exists between my ears.

‘In this future there’s load of platinum robots and jet packs and driverless cars and off-world prison colonies and sexy female protagonists who can save humanity through a combination of cleverness and………..mmmmm.'

It’s also alleged that whilst Matt isn’t coding apps or dreaming up ridiculous ideas for the medical profession he spends most of his time working on a pair of virtual reality goggles with matching steam-punk gloves.

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Readers' comments (3)

  • Indeed!
    Tho some suspect he’s Hanxcock by name, by a quirky reflection of his true nature?

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  • Oh god. Hearing him on radio 4 today. Just doesn’t get it. Illness prevention just kicks the final costs of healthcare ( the expensive final bit) down the road. Doesn’t change the costs.
    You don’t need expensive doctors or nurses to do preventative work. Just need good schooling , high taxes on sugar, booze and cigarettes and reduction in poverty. Nothing to do with NHS at all.
    Radical thinking about the final costs are needed. Honesty about the futile nature of ITU treatment for over 80 year olds. Support for nursing homes to palliatively care for people in nursing homes rather than calling 999.

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  • Just seen that Matt Hancock is being reported as saying that GPs should prescribe music playlists and concerts instead of drugs.
    Perhaps he should speak to the secretary of education to get them to ensure all children get access to the Arts and opportunity to play an instrument instead? That might be more helpful in terms of prevention? What a TXXX prevention targeted by completely the wrong governmental departments.

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