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Losing my auriscope... and my moral compass

Copperfield

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I think I’ve lost my moral compass.

Recently, my rechargeable auriscope went on the blink. I say recently. A few weeks ago. Maybe a month or two. I keep meaning to do something about it, but inertia has taken over, so I’ve learned to live with the situation.

That means I’ve just carried on using it. You know, without the light thing. Patients can’t tell, can they, especially if I make the right ‘Hmmm…’ or ‘Ahhh…’ noises as I examine their ears, pretending that my dead auriscope has somehow illuminated the path to their true otological diagnosis when I can actually see sod all.

But I rationalise my behaviour on the basis that: a) Even if their EAMs were illuminated by Wembley stadium-power floodlights, I quite possibly wouldn’t have a clue what I’m looking at anyway; and b) The examination is in itself therapeutic. Even if it is a sham.

My use of the pulse oximeter to reassure is both kind and cost effective, if not entirely based on science

Still, I am wondering if it says something about me. After all, it’s not the first example of such behaviour. For example, I always use the CCF (Copperfield Correction factor) when taking blood pressures. This involves routinely subtracting 10 from the systolic and 5 from the diastolic. Trickier now we use automated cuffs, but still possible if you angle the screen readings away from the patient. This is not entirely for QOF purposes – it also very thoughtfully takes account of the inevitable white-coat-effect. But mainly it’s for QOF purposes.

Is that bad? Maybe. But I’m not completely morally bankrupt. I ditched the idea of nobbling the waiting room blood pressure machine to read 120/80 in everybody. Ditched in the sense of, I lost the vote at a practice meeting. 

But I must admit, I really am worried about my use of the pulse oximeter. The thing is, I’ve discovered that patients are really very impressed by this gizmo, are delighted to see their percentage creeping towards 100%, and seem to feel better as a result. So my use of it to reassure and rapidly dismiss patients with dizziness, headache, fatigue, muscle aches and a whole host of complaints not normally associated with a need to measure oxygen sats is both kind and cost effective, even if my claims that the figure represents some accurate and objective gauge of overall wellness isn’t entirely based on science.

It’s the auriscope thing that’s really bothering me, though. It seems to be loaded with symbolism: the light has gone out, I am in a dark place and I have lost my way. So it may be time for a new auriscope. Or it may be time for me to go.

Some better news, though. I’ve found my moral compass. It was in my bottom drawer, where I keep my pulse oximeter. And it seems to be working fine. Honest.

Dr Tony Copperfield is a jobbing GP in Essex

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Readers' comments (15)

  • David Banner

    (Hope your appraiser hasn’t seen these “reflections “!)

    I forgot my stethoscope on a house call for a barn door chest infection once, so I placed 10p on her back and said “deep breaths!”

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  • The battery in my thermometer needs changing.... It has lost it therapeutic 'Beep'.

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  • I quite like my auroscope so I would fix mine if it broke.

    But it's a different story with my ophthalmoscope. I'm struggling to remember a single patient in my GP career where my opthalmoscope findings have affected my management.

    Problem is, patients might just notice if there was no light...

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  • Agree. Only use for sats that I can find is reassuring those with panic attacks. Young docs seem totally reliant on it.

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  • Dear David Banner,
    When I've found myself without a stethoscope and needing to auscultate a chest, I've literally put my ear to the patient's posterior chest wall and listened as they breathed.
    I wouldn't want to be competitive or anything but it is quite effective. It makes nothing like as good a story as using a coin though....

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  • Still have the (working) otoscope I bought in 1983 in medical school!

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  • My ear and eye examinations are the same. I count them, and if they have two, I tell them they are doing well. Then give them the antibiotics they came in for.

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  • Goneifihavetodoanotherappraisal..... lol
    I find an examination is best spent trying to look cerebral for any observing relatives whilst “ooheehoohahahooheehwallawallabangbang” floats around my head.....

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  • when visiting without a stethoscope, ask for a china cup, insist that it should be bone china if at all possible. Apply cup to the back in the standard two places (right and left) and give instructions to take deep breath, hold it, breath out slowly through pursed lips, say 99 etc. Then grasp the posterolateral ribs with both hands, vibrating them slightly and instruct the patient to cough. These procedures have no clinical value but are immensely impressive and thus both reassuring and therapeutic. Adding exclamations, 'ahhh, just as I suspected', 'remarkable', and 'are you sure that cup is bone china?' complete the effect. Best payback is when patient later tells you that they are disappointed with a colleague relying on a sats monitor and not employing the tea service. These are the forgotten arts of medicine, along with the careful study of specimens that the patient has 'saved in the toilet for you to look at'

    PS for the benefit of any GMC CQC trolls, Copernicus is just making a joke.

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  • Being a doctor is a privilege and honour. Always. Let not GMC,NHSE,CQC,Complaints, The DM, Litigation, Manslaughter etc grind you down and take that away.
    Enjoy what you are.

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