This site is intended for health professionals only

At the heart of general practice since 1960

pulse june2020 80x101px
Read the latest issue online

The waiting game

How the CQC stole Christmas

Dr Shaba Nabi

Every GP in GP Land

Likes Christmas a lot…

But the CQC who lived in La La Land

Did NOT!

**

The CQC hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason

It could be they hate life at the coal face,

It could even be they can’t hack the fast pace,

But I think the most likely reason of all

May be that their heart is two sizes too small.

**

But, whatever the reason,

Their heart or their clinical anxieties

They stood there at Christmas, hating GPs

Staring down from their clipboard with a CQC frown

At the long queue of patients snaking all around town

For they knew every GP as far the eye could see

Would be hanging up mistletoe and decorating the tree

**

With smiles on their faces, healing the ill,

Sometimes with song and sometimes a pill

‘We must find a way to stop this Christmas cheer

And instil a climate of discipline and fear’

**

Then they got an idea!

An awful idea!

THE CQC

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

‘We know just what to do’ as they put on the crown,

‘We’ll show them who’s boss and close them all down’

 **

So, they jumped on their sleigh with clipboard in hand

And cruised all the way around GP Land,

With squeals of delight, they marked their red cross,

For now, they were showing who was the boss

**

With fire safety, health and safety, infection control,

These lazy GPs were scoring an own goal,

Town after town, they visited them all,

Until no more practices were left to fall

**

And just when they thought their work here was done,

And they could sit back and enjoy all the fun,

What is that noise in the distance they hear?

But patients chatting and laughing – their deepest fear

**

They have nowhere to sit so they line the streets,

Waiting in anticipation for the GP they’ll meet,

The care they are searching doesn’t fit a protocol,

It’s much deeper than that concerning the soul

**

So, despite the CQC stealing the GPs’ estate

And trying to inject a spoonful of hate,

The patients they came, and they came, and they came,

To them, nothing had changed, it was all the same

**

‘We don’t need a practice that has passed a test,

We don’t even need it to be the best,

All we want is kindness and a listening ear,

So Merry Christmas CQC and a Happy New Year!’

 

Dr Shaba Nabi is a GP trainer in Bristol. Read more Dr Nabi’s blogs at pulsetoday.co.uk/nabi

Rate this article  (4.41 average user rating)

Click to rate

  • 1 star out of 5
  • 2 stars out of 5
  • 3 stars out of 5
  • 4 stars out of 5
  • 5 stars out of 5

0 out of 5 stars

Readers' comments (9)

  • But Shaba- are you so disparaging towards your other "critical friends"?

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • An excellent summary
    Now about 111?

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • I am so angry and offended at your exaltation of Christmas, over the holy days of other religious groups. Christian elitism. Get back to the Daily Mail

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Where's Optimus?

    Austerity demands cuts ...
    What better reason than on
    the basis of poor quality..

    Remember earlier in the year
    practice somewhere failed CQC as check up on Muslim eid
    and most staff off that day

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Where's Optimus?

    I like CQC
    Some places would otherwise be happy with very understaffed meagre practice

    Its just that if a place is found to be poor then there must be an analysis as to why
    Are they getting the full support they need
    or are they neglecting to invest in standards

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • David Banner

    There was an old doc from Esquirement,
    Who found himself surplus to requirement,
    For the CQC
    Shut his surgery,
    So instead he took early retirement.

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Do we have a candidate for Poet Laureate 2020?

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • Tried to rate that article 5 star. It only allowed Me 1 star rating. I could not have said any better, myself .Do the so called inspectors understand medicine at all????Do they understand the pressures primary care Is under. No wonder no Gp wants to be a principal. CQC are nit picking and losing focus on quality and their obsession with minutiae Renders them unable to see a full picture .
    Investment in general practice and community service is so poor , but they’re blind to it .
    Dr Motupalli

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

  • The CQC have been an unmitigated disaster. General Practice is a miserable place to be in 2019 in the UK.

    Unsuitable or offensive? Report this comment

Have your say