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Jeremy Hunt congratulates the flu for shafting the NHS

Through the K Hole

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The flu has achieved great things, a slightly envious Jeremy Hunt has admitted.

‘In just a few short weeks this humble virus has transformed the NHS,’ Mr Hunt said.

‘It has flooded waiting rooms with disgruntled patients and forced over-worked GPs to take even more risks, to work even harder and to stay open even longer; in short its brought an already fragile and underfunded system to its knees…

‘I’m impressed. I’ve been trying to do this sort of shit for years!’

Jeremy added: ‘I’m planning to meet the virus in my offices next week and when I do I’m going to give it a big slap on the back and a peerage.

‘It’s hard to imagine that such a primitive organism whose only role in life is to ruthlessly parasite and destroy others is actually going to be sitting in the house of lords… Oh hang on a minute, maybe that’s not too hard to imagine.’

The flu virus, which doesn’t even have a back to slap, was too busy doing what Jeremy wished he could do to comment.

 

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Readers' comments (4)

  • Thats about right. One parasite to another.

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  • Vinci Ho

    Agent Hunt,
    It appears that this new chemical weapon H3N2 works out very well for you. Please manufacture more and release them m various parts of England. Time to give a lesson to these b*****d GPs.
    This message will self destruct in 10 seconds.

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  • H3N2 is a free radical, and should be referred to as 'H3N2
    H6N2 and H4N2 and H2N2 would be allowed (though less likely), and of course N2 is fine, but odd numbers of H indicate free radicals, which are more reactive and destructive.
    How about we fill the houses of parliament with them, to the exclusion of O2?

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  • Great scapegoat for Hunt to blame for all the problems with the NHS

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