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GPs go forth

The adventures of Mr Strugatsky and the GP closures

Through the K Hole

Dear Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson,

Mind if I call you de Pfeffel?

I’m over the moon that you’re in charge! And you must be too, because you can now spend the £350m a week you promised!

But I’m not writing just to congratulate you, I’m writing because I have an idea. But before I get into the nitty gritty, let me give you some background.

My wife, Mrs Strugatsky, has a dicky thyroid. It’s been that way for 20 years, and for all that time she’s been seeing the same GP.

Unfortunately, just as she was about to find out the cause of the problem, he left a goodbye note in the window of the practice and mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again. The surgery advertised for ages, but couldn’t find anybody qualified enough to work there, so the practice closed down.

Whenever my wife walks past the boarded-up building, she sheds a tear or two, because she knows that there's now nobody to talk thyroid with (she gave up attempting to do so with me 19 and a half years ago).

The practice has now been replaced with a fancy new Starbucks, and believe me, the staff in there know next to nothing about Hashimoto’s.

The Starbucks staff know nothing about Hashimoto’s

But rest assured, Mr de Pfeffel! Like yourself, I don't give up easily, and over the past year, I’ve been busy designing a brand new practice for the town.

In my local area, I’ve spoken with GPs, healthcare providers and the health trust, as well as town planners, civil engineers and residents. No stone has been left unturned, and I’ve toiled night and day on it. My plans for a new GP practice are now ready, and I hope to secure the first £350m you promised to make it a gleaming reality.

I'll even name it De Pfeffel Towers in your honour, and have attached detailed plans for your perusal).

PS: Please give me the money, as my wife endlessly going on about her thyroid is getting a bit much. 

Yours faithfully,

Mr Strugatsky

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Australia who previously practised in Glasgow and Aberdeen

k hole boris


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Readers' comments (1)

  • Ave Strugatsky,
    I am deeply grateful to you for taking the time to write to me, especially as I know how awfully busy you must be drawing early years caricatures.
    You will be delighted to hear that I have already started channeling billions to your health authority (I think they call it tzi tzi tzi, or si si tzi or something like that) and I have an acknowledgement before me from its boss who reassures me that plenty of money to build a bright new health centre in your area will be left after she has deducted the modest salaries (higher than mine, apparently) for her highly capable team consisting of Chair (her humble self), accountable officer, director of primary care, chief financial officer, managing director, director of adult social services, director of public health, director of integrated commissioning, director of quality, director of ICT and information governance, joint director of commissioning development, and Leads for: improving outcomes for people with long term conditions – mental health and parity of esteem – community based care – engagement, equalities and early action - patient and public involvement – quality and supports prevention – adult safeguarding – children safeguarding….sorry, I’ve got to go, Carrie is shouting why I haven’t put the bins out.
    Vale et salve (as we used to say in my old school)
    Borius Imperius

    Ps I see you put the emphasis on “de Pfeffel” I hope you are not a crypto-xenophobe.

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