What we need to deliver the Covid vaccination programme is some lateral-flow-thinking. Let’s face it, the actual process of immunising is mind-numbingly simple, and if any of my needlessly diverted clinical staff claim otherwise, I’d say: Quit your jibber, jabber.
So who could we call on? Well, there’s actually a vast cohort of currently unengaged people out there just perfect for the job. I am, of course, referring to the nation’s darts players. They are unerringly accurate at jabbing the triple 20, so hitting the deltoid should be a breeze – and they can do it at a socially distanced 2.37 metres, as prescribed by both Government and the World Darts Federation. Plus, being excellent at maths, they can do the drawing up, too – ooooooone hundred and eighty mls, divided by a hundred, split between five darts. And… checkout.
I am, of course, entirely serious about this. The two limiting factors in the Jab for Victory campaign are a) vaccine supply and b) availability of personnel. The former I’d leave to the Government, because when have they ever let us down? The latter, though, is, apparently, up to us. And magicking up man/woman/nurse/admin-power is becoming increasingly difficult as everyone is currently afflicted, self isolated, or redeployed by Covid.
Hence our surgery being like the Marie Celeste at the moment. So running even the ‘priority core’ of general practice is nigh on impossible, even if someone could agree what it is. But the idea of staffing the vaccination centres too is a coronally-sick joke. It’s always difficult being in two places at once but frankly, now, it’s the exception to be in one place at once.
So if the Government really does want us to achieve those ambitious vaccination targets, it could do a lot worse than wheel out those who know how to really hit the bullseye. Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor, your nation needs you. Just as soon as you’ve done your online training.
Dr Tony Copperfield is a GP in Essex. Read more of Copperfield’s blogs at http://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/views/copperfield