Pulse Checker: New collective action, Musk to take over GP services and all-new Zardi centres

Pulse Checker returns with its not-entirely-serious take on the month’s events. None of these news stories are true (to the best of our knowledge)

BMA suggests ‘talking at slightly lower volume’ as next form of collective action

The BMA’s GP Committee England have added new forms of collective action for GPs to undertake, including speaking to patients at a slight lower volume and referring to surgeons as ‘Dr’.

The dispute, which began this month, involves the BMA listing ten actions that practices can take. But some GPs have said the GPCE’s insistence to avoid any activities that breach contractual requirements or harms patients limits the effectiveness of the collective action.

In response, the BMA has listed new actions that practices can take in a bid to strengthen their cause. These include:

• Speaking to patients in a slightly softer voice so that they have to strain to hear;
• Addressing surgeons as ‘Dr’ rather than ‘Mr’ or ‘Ms’;
• Only providing magazines from pre-2020 in waiting rooms;
• List the names of staff under the ‘Contact us’ rather than ‘About us’ section of the practice website;
• Practice printers in a permanent status of ‘almost out of ink’, so that letters are a bit harder to read;
• Installing coffee machines in waiting rooms, but having them permanently out of order;
• GPs signing all prescriptions and certificates in red, to show how furious they are.

A BMA spokesperson said: ‘This Government needs to know that we are serious about this collective action, and our new list of suggestions hammers this home.

‘These actions will not breach contracts or harm patients, but they will cause seismic disruptions to the NHS. We can expect patients to come out of consultations unsure whether their GP said “good morning” or not, and having to play on their phones rather than read the latest edition of Homes and Garden.

A snapshot Pulse survey revealed that half of practices were willing to implement these new actions, but a quarter said that these slight inconveniences went too far.

The Royal College of Surgeons reacted angrily to having their titles changed. A spokesperson said: ‘We are outraged at GPCE’s new directive to disrespect our members like this. They claim that they want to avoid patient harm, but what about the harm to surgeons’ egos, putting us in the same category as bog-standard doctors?’

Encourage Apple and Elon Musk to take over GP services, says Tony Blair think tank

The NHS should encourage the likes of Apple, Google, Elon Musk and hedge funds to take over GP practices in a bid to bring the magic of the free market into the health service, the Tony Blair Institute (TBI) has recommended.

In its report this week, the TBI suggested that practices take on 250,000-patient lists, operate on ‘a gain-share component’ and that AI will solve any remaining problems in general practice.

In its follow-up report, obtained by Pulse Checker, it listed new recommendations that go even further, in a bid to improve the state of the NHS.

It said: ‘GPs might know about medicine, continuity of care and doing what is best for their patients. But we know that bringing in big business and new technology always results in major improvement.

‘We remain committed to the NHS being free at the point of delivery, but by bringing in the marketing and upscaling expertise of big tech firms and hedge funds, we envisage a more efficient market where patients/customers will benefit from being sold useful products such as Fitbits and the Theranos blood test machine.

‘Although customers might appreciate their local Park View Surgery, bringing in the likes of Elon Musk to rebrand it as “XΦπ Healthcare Solutions” will enhance users’ experience.”

Health secretary Wes Streeting, who has already appointed Tony Blair era health leaders in Alan Milburn and Lord Darzi, told Pulse Checker: ‘These are radical solutions, and have no evidence base whatsoever. Although we hugely respect what Tony Blair has done for the world, that doesn’t mean that everything he or his institute says is correct.

‘That said, we will be implementing all the report’s recommendations in full.’

Darzi review set to recommend ‘Zardi Centres’

Lord Darzi’s review is set to recommend a completely new concept to general practice, which will see GP practices incorporating community and secondary care services

The new ‘Zardi Centres’ – which have never been implemented in any kind of way in England before – will see practices offering extended urgent care, healthy living services, community mental health services and social care.

The government adviser has been conducting a consultation on the future of general practice and has reached his in-no-way-pre-determined conclusions based on the responses he received.

He told Pulse Checker: ‘I came into this consultation with a completely open mind. After reviewing all the responses, I am going to recommend the implementation of new “Zardi Centres”.

‘This completely new model – which I will also call PolySurgeries – have never been tested before, so no one can say they will be a complete disaster that will be quietly binned after a few years and billions of pounds down the drain.

‘For the first time ever, we will have GP practices offering all kinds of community, secondary and social care services. Anything could happen, because we haven’t tried it out ever before.’

When asked whether he was the best person to lead on the reconfiguration of general practice, Lord Darzi replied: ‘Yes, of course. And there is nothing in my history to prove otherwise’.

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