What kind of doctor are you? Take the test:
A 43-year-old female patient well-known to the practice has a ‘fibro-flare’ and comes as a walk-in. She is carrying a book called ’Silent screams: self-healing and self-love’ and is wearing sunglasses. Do you:
A: Take a full psychosocial history whilst stroking her hand and telling her that you’re her friend, will be there for her no matter what, and of course will read her book
B: Take a running jump out of the nearest window, even if it’s closed
A self-entitled 60-year-old obese diabetic has twisted his knee whilst trying to retrieve the remote control from a roll of loose flab. Do you:
A: Carefully explain the anatomy of the knee joint using a plastic model, print out an informative yet surprisingly jargon-free patient information leaflet, and refer him for hydrotherapy and dry needling
B: Tell him his knee’s knackered because he’s a big blubbery fat bastard who eats pot noodles in the bath
You’re running horribly late, your child needs to be picked up from school and you still have two house calls. Do you:
A: Take a deep breath and remain calm. Remember you’re a committed and selfless professional, and it’s thanks to the piety of doctors like you, who routinely work above and beyond the call of duty, that the UK still has a great health service
B: Wait until one minute past 6, then tell them to phone the out-of-hours’ service
Mostly As –You are indeed a shit doctor.
Mostly Bs – Well done you! You will live a long and happy life!
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Australia who previously practised in Glasgow and Aberdeen