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Catch them if you can

Have you noticed anything odd about GPAQQ, apart from the fact that it’s a total botty-ache to fill in? That’s right. We’re nearly half way through the year of dutifully completing QOF’s latest latest wrist-slitter. And something weird is happening.

Or, rather, assuming you’re getting the same results as me, something weird isn’t happening. Specifically, no one is coming out of the GPAQQ number crunching as ‘active’. Try it. It doesn’t matter how much gym, cycling, housework, gardening or walking at a brisk pace patients do. At best they’ll only be ‘moderately active’, with most slipping into the ‘welded to the sofa clutching a big tub of lard’ category.

I really don’t know what the punters have to do to score ‘active’, and if they did I bet they’d fail the drugs test anyway.

So I’ve got to confess that I’ve given up – on the process, not the QOF points, obviously. As the outcome’s a given, I just randomly click the GPAQQ answers and hand them the statutory leaflet by way of a BP-check parting gift. They’re not going to read it, but then it’s not like I care.

Probity? Ha, they’d have to catch me first. And I’m fit, so they’ve no chance.

Dr Tony Copperfield is a GP in Essex. You can email him at and follow him on Twitter @DocCopperfield.