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Children drafted in to fill gaps on CQC inspection teams

The CQC is struggling to find enough GPs for every inspection so they’ve started recruiting primary school children instead.

We spoke to Lily, a four-and-a-half-year-old who recently inspected her local health centre.

She told us: ‘It was silly. The people looked sad and it was smelly, it smelt like a smelly bottom.’

After giggling for what seemed like an insanely long period of time, she added: ‘A smelly pooey bottom.’

A spokesperson from the CQC responded: ‘We understand GPs may be concerned about this, but we really don’t think you need an awful lot of training for this kind of job.

I mean, anyone can carry a clipboard around. I’ve just come out of a very productive meeting with Thomas, one of our bright new five-year-olds. He assured me that his practice met the required standard but was disappointed that Iggle Piggle’s eyes were missing and that the giant Connect Four in the waiting room was covered in snot.’

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.