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Drinking a fruit smoothie whilst cycling will almost certainly kill you

According to the latest piece of Swedish research, drinking a fruit smoothie whilst cycling will almost certainly kill you and your risk of death triples if you happen to be wearing lycra.

Professor Candid, lead researcher at the department of I Can’t Believe We Got Funding For This, Can You?’, said: ‘In our prospective study we followed 20,000 healthy men aged 45 to 79 over a 10-year period.

‘What we found was striking. If you cycle to work you’re much more likely to be run over whilst riding a bike and if you eat pineapple you’re much more likely to choke to death on a  piece of pineapple.

‘We appreciate that this may send out confusing and conflicting health messages but don’t shoot the messenger,’ says a bemused professor.   

Last year, the same team published, ‘Are young college men who identify themselves as heterosexual males attracted to super hot babes?: a retrospective analysis’, ‘Does eating onions give you onion breath?’, and ‘If you drink before you go out and then drink while you go out, do you end up drinking more than if you hadn’t had anything to drink before you went out?’ 

In the future, Professor Candid confidently predicts that smoking will be good for you and that eating iced buns will be heartily recommended.

‘Just a simple change in lifestyle can make all the difference,’ said the prof.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.