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Evil-doctor-aliens must be annihilated, according to new Government report

A Government report confirms that anyone with a medical degree was actually born inside the moon and descended during Easter festivities to collect our precious body fluids.

So-called ‘doctors’ are conducting an investigation on an unimaginable scale

The report, which runs to over 200 pages, was commissioned by the Department of Health and provides a clear rationale for the Government’s recent dubious decisions.

‘The report took over three years to complete,’ says one insider, ‘and proves what many of us believed, that so-called “doctors” are conducting an investigation on an unimaginable scale. Ever wondered why they insist you arrive with a sample of urine? Ever wondered why they siphon off tubes of precious blood, or even, God forbid, ask you to provide a fresh semen sample in a special wanking room? Well read this report and wonder no more.’

‘It’s not clear what they intend to do with the samples,’ he goes on to explain, ‘but don’t be surprised if they’re cloning us for food or creating a great big ball of spunk to blot out the sun.’

He ended by saying, ‘It won’t be long before they drug you up, stick a fibre optic cable up your bum and force you to watch the footage in a room full of strangers… What do you mean they already do that? Sick bastards!’

The report suggests that the evil-doctor-aliens and their perverted sample pots must be annihilated by the Government before an enormous spunk-ball hurtles into the earth. Now have a look at recent health policy and tell me it doesn’t make sense.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh