‘The documentary film follows the same patient over ten years’, explains art historian and film critic Prof Candid, ‘and it uses excerpts from video consults recorded by Babylon.’
The first couple of hours shows the GP half-heartedly chatting to the patient about the weather. The words ‘drizzly’, ’overcast’ and ‘chilly’ are used over fifteen thousand times.
After this preamble, there is snail-paced footage of the patient struggling to get out of tight-fitting jumpers, followed by hour after mind-numbing hour of symptoms, ranging from constipation and lethargy, to itchy thumbs and flaky ears.
Eleven more hours of the GP trying to get his printer to work
‘To give you an idea’, explains the Prof, ‘the film’s ‘highlights’ include the unexpected appearance of a Bristol stool chart and the patient trying his utmost to demonstrate how weird his farts smell’.
This is then followed by eleven more hours of the GP trying to get his printer to work, followed by him phoning IT because he can’t manage it.
‘The whole production makes The English Patient look like a non-stop methamphetamine-fuelled joy ride with Charlie Sheen’, says the Prof, ‘which begs the question, why on earth would Babylon record all of this shit? And who on earth would ever have the patience to watch it?’
Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Australia who previously practised in Glasgow and Aberdeen