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Gimme, gimme, gimme

GPs writhe around in cash, gallop to work on a horse and pack their children off to prep school, it has been revealed.

The claims were made after it came to light that GPs, already well-heeled at the tax payers expense, are actually moonlighting as fake A and E doctors.

‘GPs have absolutely hit the jackpot,’ sayid one critic. ‘Not content with raking in squillions in general practice they now want to rake in zillions in A and E’ – and according to the latest economic analysis: ‘A zillion is like the biggest number you can think of so they must have enormous rakes’

Multi-millionaire Dr Jim Donald says: ‘I like to call my house a palace, not because it’s a semi with a Jacuzzi corner bath and a loft conversion, I call it a palace because it is actually a palace!’ He goes on to say: ‘Imagine a ball pit filled with readies and an oversized toddler jumping feet first into it, now stop imagining it because that’s what I do every evening.’

Speaking off the record he added: ‘I like the simple things in life. I appreciate the reassuring ting of crystal and I enjoy tipping all of my cash out onto my immense lawn and blowing it around with one of those leaf blower things.  Have you ever seen a two hundred pound note? No of course you haven’t, that’s because I’ve got them all!’

‘We believe that the reality created by the British press about doctor’s earnings may be somewhat removed from the truth,’ said one Government minister, ‘but who cares about the truth when the general public’s perception is all that counts.’

 Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.