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GMC admits to using ouija board

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‘When it comes to making the really big decisions,’ the GMC has admitted, ‘there’s nothing better than setting up a spirit board, lighting some candles and asking The Evil One for guidance.

‘Sometimes, in order to entice Him down, we have to offer some form of supplication, so one of us might have to pop out to get Him a sausage roll.’

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The ouija board, which is kept at the back of a cupboard, has been used at the GMC for several years and usually comes up with very helpful advice like ‘STRING HIM UP’, ‘SACRIFICE HER’ and ‘I DONT LIKE SAUSAGE ROLLS’.

‘The spirit board seems to offer us the right type of advice,’ the GMC said. ‘It’s cruel, punitive, malicious and loathsome and it gets the job done.

‘Besides it’s way better than we what we used to do. We used to ask Mr Tibbles, the human-hating psychic cat for advice, and he was just all over the place!’