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Government gets rid of Sunday to achieve seven-day access

‘Sunday must die,’ announces the Department of Health. 

In an effort to keep its ambitious election pledge of seven-day access the Government has hit on the idea of getting rid of a day.

‘Rather than pumping in £750 million to prop up an empty political promise we’ve just decided to turn a seven day week into a six day week,’ says a health minister, ‘And if you think about it, six is definitely less than seven.’

‘We debated at length which day to get rid of, and there were plenty of votes for Monday but eventually we decided on Sunday. Sunday means visiting relatives, eating Yorkshire puddings and watching antiques road show, and who can be arsed with that?’

Getting rid of Sunday also means the collapse of Christianity and the almost certain destruction of Aled Jones.  

When confronted with the notion that the day after Saturday will in effect be just like a Sunday, the minister fell silent before responding with: ‘Ok we’ll rename it Thornbury day then.’

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh