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Government manages to recruit a single GP

The Government, which pledged to train and retain an extra 5,000 GPs by 2020, has managed to attract a single candidate, it has emerged.

’I was applying to work at JD Sports,’ says Colin, ’but my mum went and put the wrong address on the envelope. I was offered over 200 interviews including partnerships, leadership roles and even a gig in a helicopter which sounded really cool. My mates were like “well-Jel”. Which apparently is street for “OMG I’m like soooo jealous!”’

’They thought I had the necessary experience,’ explains Colin, ’because I went on a French exchange, I can roll a joint and I once shadowed a chain-smoking, bum wiping world-hater at the local nursing home.’

Colin has never had so many job offers, but his dream of wearing a headset and running around trying to find a pair of pink Reeboks which were made in a sweatshop for pennies but retail for £300, has come to an end. Sadly, JD Sports rejected his application.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh