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‘Here, you are all equally worthless’

In a House of Commons select committee hearing, GMC executives recommended that future medical students be trained by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, the senior drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket.

In order to toughen up students for that inevitable GMC referral, the sergeant recommends tying them to bunk beds and hitting them with bars of soap, forcing them to march with their trousers around their ankles and collective punishment if they’re caught concealing doughnuts.

‘I’ve been asked to turn raw recruits into hardened marines ready for combat,’ Sergeant Hartman told us.

‘Doctors are lame. They lack resilience and cry like babies when they’re referred to the GMC.

‘Only this morning I broke one of them down by telling her that she didn’t deserve to be in my beloved Corps.

‘I threatened to rip off her head and sh*t down the hole.’

One student who’s already been through Sergeant Hartman’s programme, said: ‘I feel ready for the Tet offensive, Sir, and I’m prepared for anything that the Viet Cong can throw at me.

But he added that he felt he was still not yet ready to face an Interim Orders Panel.

He then sat in the corner and started whispering to his assault rifle.

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Aberdeen.