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How the CQC stole Christmas

Every GP in GP Land

Likes Christmas a lot…

But the CQC who lived in La La Land

Did NOT!


The CQC hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason

It could be they hate life at the coal face,

It could even be they can’t hack the fast pace,

But I think the most likely reason of all

May be that their heart is two sizes too small.


But, whatever the reason,

Their heart or their clinical anxieties

They stood there at Christmas, hating GPs

Staring down from their clipboard with a CQC frown

At the long queue of patients snaking all around town

For they knew every GP as far the eye could see

Would be hanging up mistletoe and decorating the tree


With smiles on their faces, healing the ill,

Sometimes with song and sometimes a pill

‘We must find a way to stop this Christmas cheer

And instil a climate of discipline and fear’


Then they got an idea!

An awful idea!



‘We know just what to do’ as they put on the crown,

‘We’ll show them who’s boss and close them all down’


So, they jumped on their sleigh with clipboard in hand

And cruised all the way around GP Land,

With squeals of delight, they marked their red cross,

For now, they were showing who was the boss


With fire safety, health and safety, infection control,

These lazy GPs were scoring an own goal,

Town after town, they visited them all,

Until no more practices were left to fall


And just when they thought their work here was done,

And they could sit back and enjoy all the fun,

What is that noise in the distance they hear?

But patients chatting and laughing – their deepest fear


They have nowhere to sit so they line the streets,

Waiting in anticipation for the GP they’ll meet,

The care they are searching doesn’t fit a protocol,

It’s much deeper than that concerning the soul


So, despite the CQC stealing the GPs’ estate

And trying to inject a spoonful of hate,

The patients they came, and they came, and they came,

To them, nothing had changed, it was all the same


‘We don’t need a practice that has passed a test,

We don’t even need it to be the best,

All we want is kindness and a listening ear,

So Merry Christmas CQC and a Happy New Year!’


Dr Shaba Nabi is a GP trainer in Bristol. Read more Dr Nabi’s blogs at