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Hunt warns strike will result in the deaths of every man, woman and child

‘We’re all going to die,’ warns Hunt.

Hunt has warned that the selfish action of junior doctors may result in a cataclysmic chain of events which will see every last man, woman and child dying in some kind of freakishly unpredictable event.

‘These are worrying times,’ warns Jeremy, ‘the dark forces of evil are everywhere and without junior docs staffing A+E departments anything could happen. Whatever you do don’t stray too close to open windows, don’t start hammering nails into the skirting boards and don’t think ooo that looks like an interesting yet creepy Victorian fairground ride, I’m going to have a go on that.’

Jeremy’s advice is to wrap yourself up in a great big roll of bubble wrap and lie in the bath for the next couple of days with your eyes closed. And if you do manage to hammer a nail through your hand and end up waiting in A+E for 10 hours he’ll just say ‘told you so!’ with an expression akin to a smug cat enjoying the smell of its own farts. 

Dr Kevin Hinkley is a GP in Edinburgh